Saturday, October 20, 2012

How to Decide for Yourself


Life is full of opportunities to make decisions-
these decisions vary in significance, in duration, and in intention.
Decisions are always a product of intention, regardless of whether they are made consciously or subconsciously. 

Decisions reflect purpose.
Why do we decide upon or against various prospects?
We choose certain goals/situations/actions in order to get what we want.
Decisions are very powerful in life- but the intentions behind them are even stronger.

Attitude and Intentions
A single decision affects the factors assigned to and controlled by that choice.
Intention and attitude affect all decisions.

When one holds a certain attitude and intention, they make choices that resonate with and reinforce that attitude and intention. Although attitude and intention are impermanent and can be instantly changed, most individuals hold onto and get stuck with a few select tendencies.

Until one becomes aware of their attitude and intentions, one will live life according to their unexamined beliefs. These unexamined beliefs will seem permanent and real- and one gives away their personal power to external sources and withstanding habits.

Regarding true personal power to make decisions, one of the most limiting beliefs that one can hold is 
"Someone else knows what's best for me better than I do"
and
"Someone else knows me better than myself."

The belief that someone/something outside of one's self knows possesses superior discernment regarding one's life works levels both subtle and obvious.

Obvious examples include believing your doctor/teacher/personal trainer/counselor/therapist/etc. know what is best for you better than you do. This is an easy belief to acquire- you pay these professionals to look after certain aspects of your life and improve them.

Subtle examples include believing your partner/parent/friend/media/etc. has a better understanding of what is  best for you better than you do. This belief is a product of an inferiority complex and an imbalanced desire to please others.

One may give that power to their partner or friend because they feel subtly inferior- they may see their partner or friend as more successful/smarter/more attractive/more worthy/better/etc than themselves. 
One may continue giving that power to their parents beyond childhood due to a lack of independence and a self-limiting approach to pleasing their parents and/or keeping the peace in the family.
One may give that power to the media because they desire the approval and applaud received by celebrities, and see those celebrities as superior to them (at least in some aspects.) 

The desire to please others and the desire to give personal responsibility away to external sources leads one to depend on others for self fulfillment. This dependence leads to illusory problems which lead to habits and intentions which control real decisions.
The desire is a problem.

In order to reclaim personal power, one must let go of their limiting beliefs. 
If one suffers from an inferiority problem, one must examine the cause of low self esteem and low self worth.
If one places the approval of others before their own wants and needs, one must learn to enforce and strengthen their personal boundaries.
If one makes decisions based on the reactions of others in order to gain that desired reaction, one must learn to look to themselves for validation and appreciation.

One must understand that only they possess ultimate discernment regarding their own choices that suit their own values, goals, wants, and needs.

One must take full responsibility for their choices and attitude and intentions. It is easy to give personal power to others because it is easy to blame others if all goes wrong. This dependence will always cause situations to go wrong.

One must understand their intentions- is the decision aimed to please others or aimed to resonate with one's self.

The power to decide for one's self with full confidence requires self evaluation and full presence in the moment. The residue of the past can only cloud the present if one chooses it to be so. 

Understand why you want what you want and why you continue to accept the states of your life, and you will find the space and strength to decide for yourself.