Thursday, March 28, 2013

Nice Guys Finish Last? Not. At. All.


"Nice guys finish last."

"Women only date jerks."
"I've been friendzoned AGAIN."

These are a few of the misconceptions a great deal of the male population buy into. Our culture and their lack of insight have lead them to believe that women only date jerks and that women reject them because they are "too nice." In reality, the little boys who believe in this reasoning are self-delusional- they feel entitled to sex, believe that offering dinner and a movie will grant them romantic appreciation, and totally fail to consider the possibility that they have not developed themselves enough to engage in the activities that could lead to the spread of their DNA and the responsibility of dealing with another human being's genuine emotions.


 Maybe this is a good thing, maybe the males who truly believe in this reasoning should continue to believe so that their inferior intelligence and emotional baseness do not propagate themselves onto future generations. Maybe this is natural selection, and the misconception is so easily accepted that the quantity of idiots dies to extinction. Still, we can not simply wait until their genes fail to manifest their presence in our society. The promotion of this misconception must die.


You Are NOT Too Nice

Nice people are really the best, that is, when they are genuinely nice. Nice does not mean doormat, it does not mean spineless, it does not mean submissive. Genuinely nice people act with warm consideration for others because they actually care about the well-being of others and they put in an effort to behave in an appropriately accommodating manner. 

Being nice is not about telling a girl she's beautiful just because you know it will please her. It is not about buying a girl dinner and taking her out to see a movie. That might be called generosity if the intentions involve the desire to make her feel comfortable and happy. Being nice is not about expecting a women to express affection and attraction towards you simply because you provided her with material goods- that is called being manipulative and stupid for attempting to reduce another human being into a commodity good you can simply buy.


Being nice is about listening to a girl's problems. If you believe that allowing a girl to cry on your shoulder and tell you about the issues she is dealing with is a ticket into her pants, you aren't actually nice. You are simply behaving in a way you believe will grant you sexual reward for your time and attention. Nice guys care about other people, and they do not expect anything in return for being a decent friend. 


If you like a girl but hate hearing about her problems, maybe you should refresh yourself on the general meaning of friendships. If allowing another human being to express their true feelings to you is simply something you can tolerate, you are saving so many people's time by not being their romantic partner.


Women Only Date Jerks

Some girls like jerks, some girls were raised very badly and have been conditioned to believe that love hurts and that they deserve to be treated badly. 

On the rare occasion that you actually do frequently find yourself attracted to these type of girls, maybe you should show them some genuine compassion and treat them better for the sake of showing them they can be treated better. Maybe you should respect the fact that they have issues they need to resolve and that your sexual and romantic neediness will only complicate their lives further and burden them. 


But the self victimizing male probably just projects this axiom onto women who don't actually like jerks. Women don't really like jerks- they like guys with confidence, strength, intelligence, kindness, and self respect. 


Are you a weakling? A coward? Fighting issues of self loathing? 

Maybe you should deal with your issues first before attempting to engage in an intimate relationship which involves interacting with another human being's depths. Until then, stop projecting.

Women Only Want Rich Guys

All women are not gold diggers. If you don't know how to spot a gold digger, you should probably work on some social and observational skills before dating.

Women like hardworking men- if he isn't rich, that's okay, but women don't want to be with a guy who doesn't strive. Women don't want a man who is perfectly alright with working a job that doesn't even come close to helping him reach his potential. Women don't want a man who doesn't try to improve his life. If you're passionate and happy with your job- that's attractive. If you don't care at all- that is very unattractive. Women want men with drive- and drive shows up in every aspect of life- including his financial life.


Women Are Conceited

Yeah, some women are self absorbed and conceited, but so are some guys. 

If you think a woman is not dating you because she thinks she's too good for you, ask yourself if you possess the general qualities she is looking for in a man. You simply can not force someone to be attracted to you or to want to be in a relationship with you. Tough shit. Get over it.


If she's a young doctor with 5% body fat and a weekly volunteer at the animal shelter, and you are a middle aged slob who hits on girls at the gym and subscribe to Playboy, she probably really isn't into you at all, unless you have the kindness of Jesus and the mojo of Fabio. Its quite a stretch.


Don't Be A Sucker
Women and men walk over people who lack character and vitality. 

If you're boring and lukewarm- no one will want to be with you. 

Be someone who can offer value and richness and depth through your social interactions. 

Develop yourself- commit to hobbies, learn about the world, challenge your beliefs, work towards a goal, make your life worthwhile. 

No one wants to date an empty stale cardboard box. You can give a woman all the attention and affection she wants, but if you're not you're own person, then you are giving as a form of codependency. You latch onto that woman because her presence in her life is the only thing that gives your life any color and meaning. Then you're just desperate. No one wants to date desperate. 


Stop Fooling Yourself

Women don't owe you sex. There is nothing wrong with sharing a beautiful, platonic friendship with a woman. You can't force people to love you. 

Most importantly, frequent self evaluation and self improvement are the only ways to develop yourself. Stop operating from infantile selfishness and self denial. Start taking care of yourself and allowing more love into your life and heart- NOT lust, but actual, genuine love.







2 comments:

  1. awesome piece, really helped me out! it totally got through to me. do you think you could write about dealing with your partners friends? my girlfriends' friends are really bad influences on her. they all steal, do drugs, party uncontrollably, drive drunk/high, etc. they have also been very bad to me and sometimes even openly insult me to my girlfriend. even though this has lead to small arguments between them with my gf defending me, it hasn't affected it that much and they are still good with each other and talk all the time. even though i hate them, they are my girlfriends best friends and have been for 5 years. i told her that i don't want anything to do with them ever again. so every single night i see my girlfriend turning down their partying invitations because she knows that i won't go with her if her friends are there and i can see that this makes her sad and has definitely affected how much we go out. i have never been a controlling person, but they are just terrible people and it's completely for her own good. if i hadn't pulled her out of that environment, she wouldn't be in university, would probably be kicked out and crashing with her drug addict friends. i don't know if i'm wrong or not, i just really need advice. i want my girlfriend to be happy, but i don't want to go out with people that spread rumours about me being gay and ruined my high school years. she even admitted herself that when she is with them, she changes for the worst and they are a strong influence on her. please help.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a tough place to be- you care about your girlfriend but you must also care about yourself. I can see that you are a good influence on your girlfriend a represent a collection of better opportunities, but ultimately, it is your girlfriend who chooses so you must ask her why she still resonates with the lifestyle choices of her friends.

      Disrespectful friends are quite tricky- they are negative and their negative presence and impact on your relationship can easily be blamed on your partner. This requires even more communication- ask your girlfriend how she feels when she sees her friends disrespecting you, and tell her how you feel.

      You absolutely should not feel bad about not wanting to spend time with such negative people- and hopefully your girlfriend will understand that. But you must also put your foot down and set a standard for respect- a respectful partner will recognize your needs for a certain level of decency, and they will abide by it and not question it and give you the freedom to hold that standard whilst NOT blaming you/manipulating your feelings because that standard conflicts with their own interests.

      I completely understand why you wish to have absolutely no associations with that lifestyle and individuals who perpetuate that lifestyle- but if it doesn't work with you and your girlfriend, maybe you need to find and meet other people who resonate more with your lifestyle- maybe you need to find a more harmonious fit.

      Best of wishes and I will definitely draft a post about a partner's friends,
      -Wynona

      Delete