Thursday, December 12, 2013

How to Deal With Loneliness and Feeling Like You Don't Belong

Sometimes we can feel completely alone in the most crowded of places. Our loneliness and lack of connection is heightened because of everyone we find ourselves around, it seems that none of them really understand us or get us or accept us or love us for who we are. This is a real problem that causes many people lots of unhappiness, resentment, disappointment, and other negative emotions. If one finds themselves with an excess of this negative emotion, one can become overwhelmed and not know how to deal with it. This leads to us ignoring the negative emotion and distracting ourselves. The more we distract ourselves, the deeper we fall into the hole of loneliness. We drift further and further away from others and we become more and more unhappy. There is a point where this unhappiness and loneliness becomes completely debilitating and we lose the desire to live. No matter how much you practice detachment, and no matter how much happiness you find in yourself, life is always better when we create loving, caring connections with other beings. I hope this article helps you achieve that.

We Attract What We Resist
We attract what we keep fighting. If deep inside, we are scared of rejection and keep fighting it, hoping to never experience and face it in our lives, we attract relationships that force us to feel rejected. This rejection might not be obvious, it might work indirectly. If we are so scared of rejection that we keep pushing it away, we act in a way to try and achieve just that. We behave in a way that we think will save us from rejection- we act in a way that makes us "acceptable" to others. But by doing this, we attract people who actually don't accept us for who we truly are because we are only giving others a false version of ourselves in hopes that we will be loved/appreciated/accepted/belong. By fearing not belonging, we attract people who we don't truly belong with. By this, I meant that we attract relationships that are vapid and meaningless- free of the genuine love and appreciation we seek. Of course, the degree of meaningless depends on the degree of one's fear. The more fearful you are of rejection, the more opportunities to face that rejection we attract. Rejection is a tool here- it isn't bad! It shows you that the social interactions you are partaking in do not cater to your good and that it isn't good in your life. In a perfect world, people wouldn't reject each other- we would all accept each other and this acceptance would free us from the creation of so many problems. But alas, this is not a perfect world. But we can practice acceptance so much that our fear of rejection shrinks in comparison to it. The fear of rejection is totally normal, but to keep letting it grow and grow is debilitating.

Accept yourself and love yourself and you will find that the illusion of rejection will crumble more and more with each moment of gratitude, happiness, and realization of self love you experience.

Are You On the Same Frequency?
We can feel lost in our social interactions if we do not find connections that really vibe with us. If you feel socially lost, examine your most frequent interactions. What are they based off of? What do you talk about, what do you not talk about? Do you have common interests in the nonmaterialistic aspects of life? Do you have clashing senses of humor? Is your style of communication in disharmony to theirs?

People are different. Although people have varying degrees of flexibility and adaptation in regards to how they can interact with others while still remaining genuine, the truth is that people are happiest with people who are in harmony with their vibes. This means that it is okay not to be thrilled by everyone's presence. It is okay not to want to be around certain people and it is okay to really want to be around other people. Listen to your inner voice and emotions when you interact with people- do you feel a sense of harmony and acceptance and connection with them or do you feel like the interaction and communication is strained or draining? Respect your inner voice and emotions, and don't try to intellectually overanalyze your interactions. Harmony with others makes you feel good. Follow that positive feeling, but make sure that when you follow that feeling, you are grounded.

Others can make you feel good because they supply what you lack- this can lead to codependence and other harmful situations. Learn to express your emotions to yourself so that they do not cause you to go about interacting with others so that your emotions can find an outlet- this is like growing your own garden so that you are not desperate for anyone's hand outs when you are very hungry.

Love Yourself
Love yourself by taking care of yourself and listening to your feelings, thoughts, and desires and respecting their validity. By doing so, you will attract people who also respect your thoughts, feelings, and desires and you will learn how to respect other people's thoughts, feelings, and desires. No one is a victim here, and it all starts by really getting to know yourself. You must get to know yourself or else you will depend on others and your relationship with others to find definition and direction in life and identity. Although identity is a taboo subject- we live in this reality that makes it so that we need a sense of identity- who we are and who we are not- to really experience life, or else we wouldn't be in this reality of separation because we would be everything all the time. We live in a reality of separation, illusory or not, so embrace that and don't feel bad for embracing it because it is a tool for you to experience life and cultivate your happiness and desires. It is a tool for self growth.

Practice being the person you want to be around. Practice acceptance and love. Be generous with your attention and affection. Be spontaneous with acts of kindness and tokens of appreciation. Respect boundaries and be understanding, with yourself and with others. Practice honesty and respect and patience. The more you offer these aspects of yourself, the more it will be reflected by your reality onto you through others so that you can experience it.

Tips for Feeling Connection
Some very helpful things to do to feel a sense of harmony and connection are:
-spending time in nature
-listening to music that really moves your emotions
-spending time with animals and really paying attention to how you feel around your favorite pet
-hugging others
-making comfortable eye contact with others and smiling genuinely

I wish you the best on your inner journey.

Lots of love,