Tuesday, January 7, 2014

How Do You Get Over Someone? How to Get Over Your Ex/ How to Deal with Heartbreak


How do you get over someone?

How do you stop yourself from constantly thinking about them, wondering what they're up to, wondering if they still walk the same familiar routes you were so used to seeing them travel, wondering if they ever think of you and how they think of you and whether or not they want to?

How do you stop having feelings for someone?

How do you stop yourself from feeling overjoyed at the sound of their name and equally destroyed at the thought of their face looking adoringly at someone other than you? How do you deal with a certain empty feeling that ensues after someone so integral to your life, your style, your being, is no longer there beside you, creating a life with you?

How do you accept the fact that the special someone is creating a life without you?

There are lots of ways to go about it- many of these resulting in failure and some even cause an increase in the severity of your feelings. I know though, that there is a much easier, much more uplifting, much more painless, and much more (believe it or not) enjoyable way of finding closure within yourself and allowing yourself to focus on new chapters of your life that involve new people and a crucial new relationship with yourself based on gentleness, love, understanding, and honesty.

As with all journeys and processes, you must ask yourself a series of questions. Those listed aren't all of them, but I hope they give you a bit of a friendly prod towards the right direction. When you go in the right direction, momentum builds, and you will find yourself far into a better, brighter existence. Cheers to that.

How Much Are You Hurting?
Although the main goal of getting over someone is to stop hurting, most of us do not fully allow ourselves to truly be present with our pain. We suffer extensively because we morph our pain into something it isn't by ignoring it or over-identifying with it. If we really take the time and awareness to be present with our pain, we can gain clarity about how much we are truly hurting and where we are hurting. Then we can heal.

So how does one become present with their pain?

The next time your hurting, really let it hit you. Don't reach for any of your safety blankets (i.e. food, movies, t.v. shows, any subtle forms of escapism). Don't reach for any of your intangible safety blankets either (don't resort to engaging yourself in bouts of anger, blame, or shame because those happen to be your comfortable standpoints.) Just feel the pain. Follow it, through your body, your heart, and your thoughts. How does your body feel? Follow those sensations, really get a sense of clarity as to how your body is affected.

Feel your emotions, can you describe them? If they were a color, a texture, a taste, or a scent, could you make any comparisons? Do these emotions make you feel powerless, weak, focused?

How about your thoughts? Where does your mind go to? What themes are being emphasized? What core beliefs in your possession is your attention being directed towards?

Pay attention to where your pain directs you. Pain is like an arrow, it points to the source.

Maybe when you really miss that person and it hits you hard, you get an aching feeling through your chest, as if a sharp object pierced you. Maybe that makes it hard for you to breath, and you feel suffocated. Maybe you feel emotional states such as abandonment, despair, and hopelessness. Maybe your thoughts lead you to your belief that no one understands you, you do not fit in, and only that one person truly got you, truly got to the real you, and you feel incomplete or somewhat useless with them to bring your essence out and really see you.

See? Your pain points to your beliefs. It is your choice whether you want to live life at the mercy of your beliefs formed through life experiences. Or you can decide that what you seek out in life, you will find, and you can decide to stop seeking out experiences that supply you with a steady state of proof behind that belief, even though it fails to serve you. It is your choice.

How Much Are You Enjoying?
How much are you enjoying life and taking care of yourself despite these feelings?

Do you treat yourself well or do you neglect yourself? Do you make time to be attentive to your needs and desires, or do you simply put them on the back burner and assume autopilot mode? Do you partake in hobbies or interests? Do you give yourself healthy foods and healthy messages? Do you do things that make you feel good and peaceful and happy in a responsible, sustainable manner?

There is no way to uplift yourself from the negative whirlpool of emotions and energy of a bad breakup/ goodbye if you do not do things that are on a higher level of emotions and energy. If you want to get to higher ground, there has to be higher ground? Do you build yourself a higher ground or do you continue to build only on the level you wish to escape from?

Make sure you take care of yourself and nurture your needs and desires. Have fun, be silly, live as your inner child again. This will catapult you far, far away from the suffering. Follow your heart, follow what makes you feel good. Listen to your soul and feed your soul generously.

How Much Are You Indulging?
Are you listening to the saddest albums imaginable, replaying old songs that hold sentimental meaning, pouring over old love letters and photographs?

Stop doing that to yourself. Stop gripping the past and indulging yourself in it. The past is over, and when you're over that person, you can extract more happiness from retrospection, but for now you are hurting. Put the memorabilia away.

Refocus your thoughts the next time you catch yourself glorifying their beautiful smile, their unique walk, the way they say certain words. Tell yourself, hey that's cool that they do that, but there is beauty in others I can and will observe. Focus on the beauty of yourself, of nature, or great literature, of great art. Amaze yourself with other masterpieces. Expand your experiences of beauty and captivation and breathlessness. There are so many options.

How Much Are You Resisting?
Okay, so you still think about them lots and sometimes repeatedly over-analyze the things they've said and how they said it, the glance they gave you, the way their voice rose. It's going to happen, but don't resist it. Let yourself come to some explanation and try to just observe your mind coming to those conclusions. Don't get too involved- its a movie in your mind, just a series of thought. You can redirect where your mind goes.

Accept that you think about them, want them, and are hurting. Know it, and accept it, and then move on, because the sooner you accept it and say, okay this is happening, the more clarity you let in. Clarity will guide you to a happier place.

Don't resist how life worked out thus far. Accept it. Find things to appreciate about the situation. Laugh and shrug off your mistakes, forgive yourself, and forgive them. Surrender it.


How Much Are You Looking Forward?
How are you supposed to move on if you don't know where you're moving onto?

Get clear on where you want to be and go. How do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning? What reasons do you want to integrate into your life that cause this to happen? How do you want to feel when you greet yourself in the mirror, when you look at the sunset, when you go about your day? How do you want to feel the moment you fall asleep?

Get to know your desires and take steps towards them. The tiniest steps make huge differences. A shift in emotion can be as easy and simple and deceptively trivial as a viral video, a funny noise, a stupid face. You're a kid inside, let that flow.



Be patient with yourself and be gentle. Be loving. Explore yourself and explore where you want to be and explore where you're currently at. Take primary residence in the space that makes you feel truly good and happy. Open your heart and let it flow and bleed and cry and heal and renew.

Many proverbial sayings can be added, but I think you can the point. I wish you the best of luck, and you will make it.


Wynona