Thursday, October 30, 2014

Thoughts on Intimacy

The success of a relationship should not be based on how long it lasts- rather, the success of a relationship should be measured by the value it adds to one's life. A long and empty relationship and a meaningful, transformative, and fleeting connection are extremely different in the value they offer.
Sometimes, you meet someone and it feels as if your world has changed. Knowing them has introduced a rupture into your normalcy. Maybe this is a quiet rupture- maybe it is small enough that the emotions, desire, and passions gently trickle through. Maybe this is a huge, gaping fracture- maybe it is large enough that the feelings, wants, and energy violently unleash themselves, leaving you to feel lost and purposeful at the same time.


Some loves change you. These people transform you and you can never be the same. They touch you in ways that rearrange your insides- suddenly your eyes see a certain shade more vividly, your fingers relish a new texture. your mind wraps around a concept you could never before understand.
As is the law of the world, in order to create, you must destroy. These loves can take the seemingly safe foundation from beneath your feet and send you reeling, breathless from the impact. Maybe it is quieter. Maybe the love gently carves out a new path and blurs out the footprints of a former one. The old ways must be sacrificed- you have grown too large for that collar. You have grown too tired and weak from all the unnecessary strain. These loves will show you a new way, whether they are conscious of it or not.


That is the beauty of human connection- the magic often happens without our will. As if we were built from elemental material, we react with each in the most innate of ways. Your fire and their water make steam. There is creation. This creation is a blessing best experienced fully. Their water may put out some of your flame, and you may burn a part of them away. This is natural.
These loves open your eyes. Look how different you two can be. Look at this entire human being- look at all of them completely without judgment. No need for labels, for categories, for neatly re-done and overthought lists of pros and cons. Don't stay in one spot- explore all of them. Swim every depth and count every star. This is intimacy.


This intimacy does not live in the temporal world. One can disrobe the cloth of ego and remove the judgmental lens in an instant with the person that this happens with so organically. Sometimes you have to make note of it, remind yourself to make that effort and try. Sometimes its easier not to be naked, but only when we truly are can we feel the warmth of another so much that it envelopes our being, and ours does theirs. This. Is. Intimacy.


And just because you know one intimately does not mean that your paths are closely intertwined. Let go of that worried grip. Surrender control- you can barely predict and plan for your own future. Trying to predict and plan your future around another with a death grip will wear you out incredibly quickly. You will only build resentment and false hopes when fighting reality.


If it happens that your orbits grant you a lifetime together, be thankful. If it so happens that your paths cross less than your ego would like, be thankful that they cross anyways. Look at what you've learned- you can be intimate with someone. And just because it was so easy with this person doesn't mean they are the only one. The more you hold the intention to see, the more will be revealed. No need to expose- let it divulge itself naturally.

Have a good day,
Wynona