Wednesday, July 11, 2012

How to Stop Being a Possessive, Controlling Partner


**UPDATE: I have recently published a new eBook- "Before You Cheat: A Guide to Reclaiming Your Life from Infatuation, Obsession, and Infidelity." It is available for download on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HDOF704. Thank you so much for your support.**

Being a possessive, controlling partner can and will ruin a potentially great relationship. If you would like to save your relationship and improve your connection with your partner, you must understand why you are being possessive and controlling. You must resolve the internal conflicts that cause you to behave in a way that negatively restricts your partner's life. You must also change the nature of your relationship choices.

Why You Feel the Need to Be Possessive and Controlling

Lack of Trust and Respect
When you attempt to control another human being and restrict their life according to your preferences, you are greatly disrespecting them. You either do not respect your partner or you do not respect yourself. 

Respect and trust go hand in hand. If you do not respect your partner, then you can not fully trust your partner. If you do not believe they are your equal, then you will never be able to place the amount of confidence and appreciation in your partner that allows a relationship to work. 

Understand why you look down on your partner. What do they do or fail to do that keeps you from considering them as an equal? Usually, the answers are lead back to self prescribed deficiencies. You are most likely projecting these deficiencies onto your partner because you do not want to claim responsibility for them yourself. 

For example, you may be shy and your partner may be very friendly. Secretly, you know you act shy because you are afraid of getting to know people and become nervous when meeting anyone. You are uncomfortable. But you see your partner being friendly, and instead of accepting that your partner has developed his or her social abilities more than you have, you label your partner's behavior as "sketchy", "flirtatious", "suspicious"...etc. Thus the cycle of accusation and jealousy begins. This cycle will never step as long as you see the problem beginning with your partner when it truly begins with yourself.

Thus is the actual lack of self respect. You do not fully respect yourself enough to change the aspects within you that you dislike or see as anti-progressive. You do not want to face your insecurities, so you give the power away to your partner and blame them for your inner lack of content. 
You must claim back your power and responsibility and stop expecting your partner to make you fully happy.

Sometimes the mistrust and disrespect actually do have appropriate grounds. You may behave in this way because of mistakes your partner has made e.g. cheating, lying, mistreating you. Again, this only points back to a lack of self respect. 
If you are mistreated, you are better off leaving the relationship and finding someone who treats you well. But this requires a great amount of conviction, which most people who lack self respect do not usually have. Thus they stay in the relationship in hopes of changing their partner.

Trying to Change Your Partner

This matter is easily resolved.

Why did you choose to be with your partner?
Were you not aware of their "flaws" and "shortcomings" during the initial stages?
You probably had a good grasp of your partner's personality and interests when you began dating them. People do not adopt an entire new set of habits and tendencies once you two become official.

Yet many possessive and controlling partners express disdain for their partner's habits and tendencies. They put a great amount of stress on the relationship because their partner will not or fails to act in a new way that satisfies them.

Relationships require compromise. Partners must communicate in order to express their feelings and concerns. A loving partner will do his or her best to make the relationship more comfortable. Yet there is a huge difference between trying to change your partner and trying to grow with them.

You can not mold your partner into an idealized shell of what you consider the right partner for you. You can only grow with your partner. Growing with your partner requires self growth first and foremost. This all leads to giving yourself the respect required to lovingly look at the aspects of yourself you'd like to change and become peaceful with. 

If you can not grow with your partner, the relationship is futile, and it is best for both of you that you call it quits. Trying to change your partner will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever work.

Jealousy

Jealousy also requires self exploration.
We become jealous and envious because we are uncomfortable with our partners loving other people. When this becomes inappropriate, then that is a cue for us to talk to our partners about it lovingly. If this continues to happen, then we need to leave. Yet most possessive and controlling partners do not have a righteous grounds for their jealousy.

We become jealous because we feel threatened. We do not want anyone to take our partner's affections from us. We do not want to lose any love or admiration, nor do we want to share.
Truth is, everyone has to share.

Your partner deserves to have friends.
You can not be the only person in your partner's life. Accept it.
You can not give your partner everything in every way; your partner has friends to share experiences with. You can not be the only person with whom your partner explores life.

Your partner is going to love other people.
Romantic love isn't the only love that exists. Inevitably, your partner will care deeply for other people. Your partner will always love other people; he or she will always want to express admiration, give affection, and offer support to them. This has absolutely nothing to do with you. 

Your partner is going to always want and need time and space.
Relationships were not meant to be codependent.
Relationships only work well between two self-sufficient people. Your partner will not depend on you for everything. Your partner will always need some time and space to themselves to just be by themselves. This does not necessarily they need an escape from you. Respect your partner's need for solitude.


Resolving Internal Issues

If you have been a possessive and controlling partner, you have placed stress and tension within your relationship and have hindered the flow of understanding and love. You need to first look within and understand why you are projecting your problems onto your partner. Only you have the power to make yourself feel respected and complete. If you are in a relationship which creates a draining environment, then see if you are causing that draining feeling. Communicate. If nothing improves, then leave.

Consider if you are actually ready for a relationship. 
A relationship necessitates growth and expansion. You need to be capable of loving yourself fully before you can fully love somebody else. You can not take care of someone if you can not take care of yourself. You can not effectively fulfill someone else's needs and nurture them if you can not take care and give to yourself. 


Recommended Posts:
How To Stop Fighting With Your

How to Stop Trying to Control Your Partner

How to Make The Right Choices

How to Apply the Law of Fuck Yes or No

How to Get Over Romantic Apathy

How to Bring Back Passion Into Your Relationship

How to Deal With and Release Emotions






















161 comments:

  1. This was a great read. It's like you used my relationship for your examples! Thanks

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    1. Thanks so much for commenting!
      I'm glad I was able to be understanding.
      Take care and all the best :)
      -Wynona

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    2. I wish there was a way to read more in depth about your points.

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    3. If you'd like, I can write a more elaborate article :)

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    4. Yes please! I am very impressed by your wisdom and ability to communicate your ideas.

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    5. very clear and concise, I need to talk with my partner about things , thanks you

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    6. Thanks so much for reading!

      Best of wishes,
      Wynona

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    7. Wow, this just made me realize so much about my current relationship..Thanks

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    8. Thanks so much for reading!

      Best wishes,
      Wynona

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    9. By reading this I realize that I am a controlling partner. I have been left all my life by everyone from the age of 2. I realize that I have tried to control my partner so that he doesn't leave me and in the end I left him as I knew I was the one with a problem, just not sure until reading this what it was!! Thanks for writing this.

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    10. I'm sorry that you have felt abandoned but I know you can get through those feelings and resolve any issues from your past! Thank you so much for the comment and best of wishes.

      Wynona

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    11. have u ever came across my life ?

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    12. haha I am not sure that I have.

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    13. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. write more! hahaha. really good read. can you elaborate more on the part of self respect and loving one's self. thnx

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    1. thank you :) you can read my post on loving yourself here :
      http://beingridiculouslygoodatlife.blogspot.com/2012/07/how-to-love-yourself-part-1-detachment.html

      And there is more to come about self love and self respect :)

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    2. How i got my Husband back Thanks to Lord Alika for bringing back my Husband ,and brought great joy to my family??? My name is Kathryn Louise, My Ex-Husband dumped me two weeks ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don't know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help people to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 48hours that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Lord Alika , You are truly talented and gifted. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man.Email: lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +19206246318. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http

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  3. My chest hurts too much while reading this article.

    I know I am careless toward myself. I also unable to trust people around me.

    I loved a girl once. She is very special to me. However, since I easily got jealous when she was hanging out with her friends, I was afraid of getting mad toward her,.. afraid of hurting her more, so I broke up with her.

    Up until now, I know this is wrong, but, somehow, I can't stop stalking her Twitter :|

    Yeah, don't worry. I just think of these as opportunities to improve myself. Thank you for writing article which remind me that I still have unsolved problems :D

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment. :)

      There is always a solution and a way to heal your unsolved issues, and by looking for answers, you are already half way there.

      I wish you the best and take care,
      Wynona

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  4. This also hurts me to read. I know why Im controling and it's mostly because of my lack of trust and love growing up. I've never really felt that I had someone in my life who truly loved me and would protect me. I don't even trust my own mother/family they all eventually leave. I sometimes feel trapped as if Im the only person I can trust. Even with my daughter, I feel eventually she will leave me too, which she will but before she is suppose to.

    Once I find love I hold on to strong which eventually leads to pushing them away. Im a smart, attractive, responsible girl and dating is not a problem it's keeping them. I am also really nice in a relationship and will take good care of my partner and they do love me in return. I also know it hurts them because they want to continue to be with me but it's hard for them.

    All this hurts because I do not want to be this way but no matter how hard I try it's just how I am. I sometimes think maybe I need to just be single for life because this, what I feel inside no one will ever understand.

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    1. Sometimes we feel like we NEED to experience a certain life path because it so strongly resonates with our current states. But if you shift your current state you will open up your life to a totally new set of circumstances and experiences.

      Thank you so much for your reply. I will write an article which will elaborate more upon what I mean by shifting your internal world so that your external world supports it as well.

      Take care and I wish you the best,
      Wynona

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    2. Thanks alot you saved my relationship

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    3. Oh, you did all the work. :) I'm glad you saved it, and I wish you a happiness together.

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  6. what do you do when you're like this in every way, shape, and form, and you can't change. Is there help that is able to be sought out for this? I love my boyfriend to death, and we started out rocky, thus leading to trust issues, but the last 6 months, he hasn't done anything wrong, or so he says, of course, my mind tells me its not true, and he's still messing up and doing things behind my back. I have completely isolated him from the world except for me, and when he tries to do something, like hang out with his best friend of 11 years, I flip out, yell, accuse, and fight. I know I'm pushing him away, but I can't get over the past.... this stuff has happened to me in so many of my past relationships, and they never got better, they never stopped doing what they did behind my back, and my current boyfriend is now paying for it because of a few mistakes he made in the first couple months of us getting together. I feel like I can never trust him again, and I want to really bad. I understand I am, and always have been extremely controlling and possessive, but I don't know how to stop... does this even make sense? my head is always a wreck :(

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    1. Hi Jessica,
      Sorry for the delayed reply.

      You've already acknowledged your trust issues, so that gives you all the freedom to resolve them. This can be very tricky, as your fears and insecurities have become habitual and you operate through them by default, but you can change this on a moment-by-moment basis until your new default behavior is more conducive to your goals.

      You have to remind yourself every time you feel triggered to react in the same old ways- you need to stop, assess the situation and your feelings, and ask yourself..."what is best?" You need to rationally think through the situation each and every time and resist allowing your emotions to run your life. This takes practice, but this is a habit that will be strengthened exponentially every time you practice it. It takes practice, and no amount of forethought will have any effect if you do not practice it in the moment. If you do not practice this in the moments when they count, you will only build regret and perpetuate your old patterns.

      All the best and thank you for reading,
      Wynona

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    2. My boyfried behaves the same way. I have been forced into a corner for me to work with his insecurities and jealousies. He quickly drops everything/everyone around him for me, it may be romantic but it is just way too much. He constantly questions everyone, he has since developed standards I have to live up to. It is like always trying to prove everything to him which makes me question myself. We break mainly because I leave then sometimes he comes back and sometimes I come back just to show him I love him and we will work through everything. But it has been wielded into the very depths of his core. It is hard for him to get over his past, I get penalized by the exes who left him. Im not even allowed to wear pants, too. Or hangout with mixed gender college buddies (more than 10 years) without him. He has many apprehensions meeting the closest people in my life. It is too hard to clean up the mess of the past he still brings into our present. Even my past, he digs them up and lives them through my "tendencies". All these just in 1 month. Restless fights everyday. Now, Im pregnant with him and I dont know what to do. I would like for us to do couples therapy.

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    3. Hello Anonymous,

      I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend is behaving like this. Have you had an honest, serious heart-to-heart discussion with him about all of this? Have you asked him to try his best to hear you out fully and wait until you finish to respond, and that you are suffering because of this?
      I think couple's therapy would really be great as long as you are both very open. Maybe approach this request in a way that shows him you know he feels very vulnerable and that you are okay with being vulnerable as well.

      I hope the best for you. A relationship shouldn't resort to "proving" commitment and devotion to one another- a relationship is built on respect, trust, and care. I hope he realizes this and I hope you are soon treated the way you would like to be treated.

      Wynona

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    4. Hello Wyona.. Can you share some quick tips on how to deal with possesiveness when all of a sudden your mind is engilfed in it.. That point of time when ur mind just cant think rational

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    5. Don't worry you all! I think that you all have problems with the friends of your partner, right? Well, I too feel like 'Oh god, I'm stuck here!'
      My girlfriend is very very friendly, and very cute too! So everyone tends to be nice around her, but what they internally are to my knowledge. I know she won't believe me because they're her friends and she tends to trust them. But they, sometimes (like 40% of time), mistreat her. They kind of bully her. And I can't do anything. She is not a smart person, so she tends to forgive them every time. And that's what hurts me. I know she loves me enough to stop all of this if I ask her to do so, but I don't want to control her. And we're in high school. And I'm a very smart guy, I can read people easily.
      So I found out a solution. Go confront the person you always have hated, I know it's the most difficult you've done in your life. Go befriend him/her. Know them better. Apologize them for hating them, that'll probably get them thinking about this! Try it before losing your partner!

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  7. Hi
    loved your post. what do you do when you are married with many kids and are controlling and have caught your significant other constantly cheating and lying. I want to stop my controlling nature and bring the kids up in a complete, happy home... I cannot change my spouse's behaviour but they do not want a divorce... Help...

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    1. Hello,

      Do you think your controlling nature has driven your spouse to cheat on you? Why do they not want a divorce? Do you only wish to stay with your spouse for the sake of your children?

      Sometimes it is best to attempt to reconnect with your partner and re-discover the essences that brought you together in the first place whilst traversing the problematic clashes that lead to quarrels and disagreements. You need to have many heart-to-hearts with your spouse and communicate your desires and issues, and you must also listen to him.

      I assume that you want to whatever is possible to raise the kids in a loving, happy home. A happy home is built by people who can understand each other, accept each other, and practice loving kindness towards each other. Try to let go of your controlling tendencies and focus on bringing the energy of the home to where you want it to be- fill your home and daily interactions with loving kindness and soon it will infiltrate the essence of your home and this energy will soon "dictate" the home. You may not be able to control your spouse's cheating, but you can control your own energy and your own behavior so that you can give and give and give more love and kindness so that your children learn how to accept and also give that same love and kindness, thus avoiding the possibility of teaching them how to be controlling.

      I do maintain the notion that you must set a certain standard for treatment- if your spouse does not want a divorce but does not want to change, are you going to accept that? Can you work with that, or are you enslaved by the notion of needing your spouse there in order to bring up the children in a happy home? Does your spouse show and teach your children the love and kindness you want them to grow with?

      Lets not forget that in order to practice and give this love and kindness, you must first find it in yourself.

      All the best wishes,
      Wynona

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    2. Thanks for your insightful feedback. Unfortunately I blinkered myself when getting into the relationship and did not take note of the cheating signs. My controlling behaviour also contributed to the cheating afterwards. And yet in all this we love each other and the kids. My spouse is good with the kids and we have both agreed and admitted to our individual core problems (that both were triggered before we met each other). And that we need to change and that it will take time. I understand that I need to change for me first and then our family, as you have rightly said. I need to contribute to the happy environment. And you are right, I must have a standard of treatment, without weaving in the controlling factor... that is the hard part I think.

      Sorry this has become a bit long! I will apply what you have advised, I am glad because some of what you have mentioned has begun (in tiny itsy bitsy ways so far). Gosh you are wise!

      Thank you and please keep posting. I was looking for just this kind of feedback :)

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  8. Hi Wynona,
    Loved your article. Helped me sort few things out in my relationship. But i am still not able to come to terms that he talks(chats on Gtalk) to his particular friend all day long and during night when i am sitting next to him. I can understand that he needs friends but is this behavior OK is what i am not able to understand.

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    1. Hi! I would suggest you have a deep open conversation with your partner first. Tell him how you feel and then fully listen to him. Try to understand each other first.

      Best of wishes,
      Wynona

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  9. Thank you because of this article I finally accepted that I have a problem. Now I am trying my best to better myself for my girlfried thank you :)

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    1. Thanks for such a kind comment! I'm glad to hear you are resolving your issues :) And remember, YOUR peace of mind and YOU resolving your blockages benefits you as well :)

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  10. Hello Wynona .. rly ur articles r so amazingn lovely dear .. the hve helped me a lot 2 rebuild myself .. bt still over a few years i m not able 2 solve something. u wld b vry kind if u cn suggest something plzz :

    in my higher secondary .. i made a friend named KINJAL . . v became very good friends in no time n started sharing evrything .. but v had only that friends thing in our minds n nothing else .. as time passed she started fighting over small things very often n then would not talk for days until i approached her n appologized .. many a times she also felt jealous n came under the influence of others opinions about me .. but then finally one day v had a ltl big fight over a very small issue in which she then told me that she considers me amongst all the other friends here .. (but she used 2 consider me a close friend before ) . thereafter v went 2 college n i agin contacted her .. but she ddi not at all seem to talk like before .. still i kept on trying expecting that after sometime may be it gets restored 2 the previous close friends state . . but in this process i started thinking the whole day about her , evryday n evry moment which also dd affect my exams evrytime .. suddenly she stopped talking n told not 2 contact her anymore through some other friend ...

    As i could not understand what actually happened , i tried vry hard 2 contact her , sent her many appology messages even though i ddnt at all know my mistake ... n she ddnt reply ... stiill kept on trying n one day she replies that -- " she was very wth her schedule n dsnt want 2 talk 2 anybody .. n asked me 2 stop saying sorry n not 2 call her .""

    but WYNONA .. i cant ust stop thinking that what such made her stop talking n thinking that way for me ..

    i wnat 2 know that n wnt 2 meet her once atleast so that i can clear it all...
    but how do i do it dear ..

    n do have some other solution .. ?? please .. ul b very kind dear if u can help me with this ... I;ve been tying very hard to get through this but cant .. so please help me Wynona ... m wating for ur reply ...

    please mail me if psbl at -- as90691@gmail.com

    Thanx dear .. n ur articles are rly rly awesomee n life changing dear :)

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    1. Hi Ajay,
      Thank you for the kind comments! I'm glad I am able to offer something for you :)

      Your comment has inspired me to write a more elaborate article on the kinds of relationships we attract and experience based on our relationship with our self. But until that is written, I suggest that you take a look at how you relate with yourself.
      It seems that you are losing yourself in your friend- by putting so much attention, emotion, and obsession into your attachment to her, you evade dealing with your own personal issues. Are you honoring yourself, serving yourself? Or do you neglect yourself. Often times we attract these fleeting relationships because the other reflects back to us the wounds we have not acknowledged and healed within ourselves.
      The way she has treated you often reflects things about how you see and feel about yourself back to you. I'd recommend you think clearly and honestly about this, and let your intuition and heart guide you through the process. Don't judge yourself, but be honest with yourself.

      Take the time to really focus on yourself and your issues, or else you will only attract people and experiences that indirectly bring up those issues. It is better to acknowledge those issues yourself.

      Again, I shall write a more elaborate article about this concept of relationships and reflections.

      You say you want to meet her once again for closure, but by doing that you give her the power of granting you peace and closure. No one else can grant that for you, only yourself. So in the process of acknowledging and healing your own issues, also take back your own power and responsibility. You have the power to create your own peace of mind. Attachment to others and the fantasy of meeting her and discussing the issue is just a distraction from the fact that you need to take back your own power.

      All the love,
      Wynona

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    2. I do appreciate ur comments n tht u spared ur valuable time for writing 2 me . Thnk u vry much dear WYNONA fr this ..

      But still .. i jst wnt 2 knw the reason n its time v have been in touch from many months . i jst wnt 2 call her now . so can u please tell as to what or how should i talk 2 her now, so tht she does agree to tell me . i hve tried very hard for this from 3 years probably . So please do give me a few tips or suggestions dear ..

      n rly rly thnkss for ur comments dear.. il really work on them ..

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  11. Very well written! Wish my girl friend could read this. The problem is, I cannot even send this to her out of fear that she may take offense and fight. Nevertheless, very well written!

    Also, it kind of feels good to see that I am not the only one that is going through this right now. Thank you everyone who shared their experiences.

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    1. u should try a final time frn . cz fear wont let u do wt u wnt 2 . so jst call her n tell her tht u wna tlk 2 her only once fr a last time n thn u wont dstrb her nymre. Mayb u gt hr again thn :)
      al d bst !!!

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    2. Thanks for the kind comment! Don't let fear hold you back from what you wish to experience in your relationship. You decide if you stay or go, and if you feel you can not communicate your needs to your girlfriend, then maybe you need to ask why you are staying in a relationship that keeps you stuck in fear.
      All the best of wishes,
      Wynona

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  12. I do appreciate ur comments n tht u spared ur valuable time for writing 2 me . Thnk u vry much dear WYNONA fr this ..

    But still .. i jst wnt 2 knw the reason n its time v have been in touch from many months . i jst wnt 2 call her now . so can u please tell as to what or how should i talk 2 her now, so tht she does agree to tell me . i hve tried very hard for this from 3 years probably . So please do give me a few tips or suggestions dear ..

    n rly rly thnkss for ur comments dear.. il really work on them ..

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  13. Heyy dear WYNONA .. sry but u hvnt replied dear .. i rly need ur valuable suggestion dear .. i wrote much n m still waoting for ur reply .. plzz do rply as fast as psb dear ...

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    1. Hi Ajay,
      I was actually away on vacation :)
      And that brings up a point I'd like to address- you should try to take your mind off of her and experience other sides of life that don't require any obsession. I know it is hard and that you are attached and you think of her very frequently, but try to throw yourself into an experience or hobby to regain control of your life and attention instead of being a slave to your thoughts of her. Sometimes deep care and desire can transform into obsession and thought slavery- you are using the lack of certainty to fuel your passionate obsession because it makes you feel something. Focus on something else!

      Wynona

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    2. i know dear that its months now n high time to move on .. But i cant just help myself in nythng else, unless i know the possible reason of her walking away suddenly .. please dear try to understand me .. i'll then surely do what i want but only after knowing the reason will it bcme possible ..

      So, if u can please help me in how to know the reason from her, u would b vry kind ..

      Waiting eagerly for ur reply ..

      AJAY

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    3. Hi Ajay,

      I guess I should explain to you something about "energy" and attention between people. When you obsess over someone and throw yourself at their feet, that someone will subconsciously think that something is wrong with you. People don't want to be around people who obsess over them and live for them. The truth is that you were being over-eager and too complacent. Women especially do not like to be around men who offer themselves too easily- we subconsciously think that something is wrong with you.
      By displaying your over-eagerness and continuing to display your obsessiveness and reinforcing the fact that you need to absolutely hear from her further shows her that you do not have your own life and have things in control.

      You are repelling her by obsessing over her.

      Best,
      Wynona

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  14. Thank you so much for writing this article it really made me realize how selfish I have been in my relationship and I will take the information I received from this article and try to fix my relationship before its to late.

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    1. Hey Amaad,
      Thanks so much for the kind comment! I'm glad to help. Best of luck to you!
      -Wynona

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  15. Wynona your article really opened my eyes to how I been with my bf of 3 years, it just so hard because all my life I've had low self esteem and experiences from my past keep interfering with my relationship now because I have a lack of trust with people. During our first year of dating there was this big fight that til this day makes me scared to trust him. Sometimes my jealousy has been the reason with most of our fights it just scares me I could possibly lose him. Constantly my jealousy makes me him loves me less and he says things like he might have to leave me due them. But I'm not sure because I told him things that upset me but he still does and later says he tired of me complaining to him of what he did , i am I right or is he? I'm just so confused.

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    1. Hello,

      Your past is interfering with your present relationship, so before you do anything or make any judgments about who is right or wrong, work on releasing your holds to the past. Your grudges and lack of trust are because you are COMMITTED to holding those grudges and you are COMMITTED to distrust because it feels safe to you. Choose to commit to more conducive states- commit to being loving to your partner and seeing the good in them, commit to loving yourself and seeing the good in yourself and treating yourself well.
      In all honesty, you will never be happy in a relationship unless you love yourself and are happy with yourself. You can not truly love another before you love yourself.

      Best of wishes,
      Wynona

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  16. i am boy and im kinda shy . and my friends circle is very small . a few close ones i had mistreated me and i gave up on them . all i had was 1 girl best friend. i shared everything with her , she knows i am possesive and she knows why. things went on alright. suddenly she fell in love with this guy and i was afraid she ll leave me too ,we had a couple of big fights and we both said some things we shouldnt have , ...she tried convincing me things will be alright..i thought i need to move away from her for a while and sort out this possesiveness but i promised ill be back ... a couple of days later ..she is angry at me for leaving her all alone in her hardest time , says she doesnt trust me anymore. she doesnt want to talk . its been a week since this happened , every single minute i think about it ... i cant move on ..i am ready to do anything to make things alright...what should i do ? should i meet a psychiatrist ? how to make her understand ...im confused..please help me .

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    1. You can try to talk to her and just forgive each other and forgive yourselves for any actions and words that were hurtful. Tell her how much you care about her if that is how you truly feel but remember- to truly care about someone is to allow them to pursue what they want and be supportive, that means you must stop being possessive. You are afraid of abandonment, so instead of giving your close friends the responsibility of making you feel close and connected, take the time to make yourself feel connected to your own life and your own path. Take the time to listen to yourself and learn about yourself and take care of yourself.

      Best of luck,
      Wynona

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    2. i tried explaining it to her , she says she has forgiven me , but says she is too hurt to trust me again , i tried explaining but she isnt listening ....she is talking to me like im a stranger and it hurts ...i swear i only wanted us both to be happy , i didnt want my possesiveness to ruin our friendship and her relationship with her bf , i wanted to sort that out ,so only i said ill step aside fro a few days . maybe i should have never left her alone in her time of crisis...i dono ...i am ready to do anything to get her back . should i keep trying ( she isnt particularly keen on talkin to me ...all she says is our friendship is over n she doesnt wana care for me anymore )? or should i not disturb her for a while ( if i do that im afraid i may never have a chance to get her back ) ? please help me !

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    3. Tell her in all honesty once more that if she ever needs you or wants to talk again, you are there for her and welcome her completely. But tell her that you understand that she says she doesn't want to talk to you right now and tell her that although it hurts you, you respect her wishes. Then leave her alone and focus on your own life and personal, inner healing. :)

      Delete
    4. for a week i tried explaining my situation , but she has put all the blame on me for the things that happened to her and closed the door on me , i even accepted it , said it was not intended and asked for 1 more chance. she just refuses to hear what i have to say . she says she has patched up with her ex - bestfriend and doesnt want me in her life . its been 2 weeks since i slept peacefully , i cry myself to sleep , i continuously keep getting dreams of us being bestfriends again , or some other nightmare ...i have tried everything books movies music hobbies games .i cant concentrate on anything .. her words keep echoing in my head.i am shy, she is the only girl i have opened up to.n she too cares for me ..i dono wat or who changed her in those 2 days that i didnt talk.im literally dying everyday ... i dono wat to do , i cant believe im askin this to somebody i dont even know ...but pls help me out .

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    5. Hey, don't feel weird about asking someone you don't know, help comes from many sources :)
      You see, you are very very attached to her. And you can't expect her to agree to be friends again so you must fully accept the situation. You must also not give her action's and words the responsibility and power of dictating your life.
      You must release your strong attachments to her. You will open up to another someday, and it is rare, so I understand why you feel devastated. But this is how life works- nothing lasts forever so you must enjoy everything while it lasts.
      You need to get out and be involved in some social hobbies or causes! Sign up for any kind of lessons or join a club or start volunteering to help the less fortunate. The pain of others often gives us a new perspective on our own pain and our self imposed limitations. You can also try working on your social skills- there are books and guides you can find for free on the internet!

      Remember- she doesn't owe you friendship so you must accept that it is over. Honestly, focus on yourself and heal yourself.

      here are some great sites:
      www.calmdownmind.com
      www.mindbodygreen.com

      Delete
  17. What if the reason we don't trust our significant other is because they've kept secrets from us in the past. Not secrets that hurt me, but secrets that she just didn't want me to know. Is that justification for a lack of trust? If so, how do you give that trust back to her.

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    1. Sometimes our partners don't tell us things because they are not ready to tell us yet, and we can not force them to be ready or hold it against them. Try to be more understanding and accept your partner in whatever state they relate to you. Show her you accept her in all of her states and that she doesn't need to do anything she doesn't want to and she will trust YOU more and you will feel more trust in the relationship.

      Delete
  18. Thank you so much for your article. You really have a deep sense of understanding for all of this. I can imagine you must be a very well focused and happy person. Envy is a strong word but I do so wish I had your thoughts in my head at all times haha. I deal with the issues of jealousy and control every day and have reread several of your articles over and over. You have been a great help. Keep up your awesome work!

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    1. Thank you for such a kind comment! It's all good to feel envy, just know that I always get knocked off balance- its totally natural. Best wishes to finding your inner balance and allowing your wholeness to unfold.
      All the love,
      Wynona

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  19. Seriously...thank you so much for your article. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months now and it's been really hard on me for different reasons but none of them are his fault! Your section on jealousy really hit home for me...I guess since he's so lovable and he just naturally draws both males and females toward him, I always get insecure and scared someone else might take him away and hate the prospect of sharing him. I know by acting like this, I keep hurting him with my attitude and words and it's just not right...Your article helped me open my eyes so I thank you for posting this!

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    1. Thank you for such a kind comment! I'm glad I was able to write something you could relate to. It can be hard to let go of that jealousy but once you confront it and explore it, you can let it flow away and more and more love will flow in :)
      Best of wishes and all the love,
      Wynona

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  20. Wynona fantastic article... can being over controlling/possessive comeby of hoe you were raised... my past gf have said ive had trust issues and controlling issues thus pushing them away... my question is is being controlling have anything to do the way I was raised... at the age of 18 I expirenced my parents fight argue eventually seperating for a while (cheating) does that have to do anything with my trust issues or is it something much greater

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    1. Hello,
      Sorry for such a late response. My blogger wouldn't allow me to see many comments.
      Your childhood and the way you were raised definitely can promote controlling and possessive behavior and tendencies,but we have the power to transcend those lessons and patterns and decide for ourselves how we want to approach life. You can release the pain and subconscious associations with love and pain that you learned from your parents/others/etc.
      Hope this helps,
      Wynona

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  21. hello wynona im 17 n i hve a boyfrnd whom i love a lot but now a days hes nt carng me like before he has got new friends(girls) he started being close with them even those girls be really close to him i dont knw how to react n i fougt with him n now im scared that hel think i dont trust him i do trust him a lot but i reaaly cant see him with other girls im really jealous pls hlp me out to get rid of this jealousy im i rgt frm my point of view pls suggest something and i even feel that he has a crush on one of those girls

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    1. Hi Sukanya,
      I think you should talk to him about how you feel and then listen to what he says about how he feels about his friends and your feelings about his friends. Tell him you feel like you aren't being present with each other as much as before. See if you and him find it both natural to connect more, but if not, don't be afraid to welcome a reality of change and growth. Forgive me for sounding so cliche, and I don't mean to sound condescending in the slightest, but at 17 you are still very young and your life will change very much, so try to go with the flow and not get hung up on boys too much. Focus on yourself and what you want in life more :) In doing so, everything will fall into place, including your love life.

      Wynona

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  22. Thanks for that, I have to say I mostly need a change in perspective. I really don't think I'm worth much effort, never have been to anyone before and any time I take the chance I get burned. I've also got quite a vivid memory so it's quite hard to let go.

    I went against my instincts recently and entered a long distance relationship. We had been together 7-8 months before I had to leave due to visa stuff, and I'm hoping to get back within the month.
    The problem is I don't know exactly when I'll get there and the lack of control over everything is causing me to over-react to certain situations, be controlling. I'm also very aware I'm doing it, causing my self-worth to plunge lower and hence make things worse in a cycle. I don't have long left but I'm getting more anxious day by day. Have you any tips??

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    1. Hi Brendan,

      Long distance relationships can be very trying experiences. I see that you connect your self worth to the quality of your reactions. Stop doing this. Your thoughts are not your essence, so remember that the next time they come up. When you come across thoughts that are possessive and controlling, don't feed that thought and you will starve the mindset. Accept that those kind of thoughts will come up, but know that condemning them will only make them come up more frequently.

      You're doing long distance now, and as odd as this may sound- take advantage of it! Use the time you'd usually spend nurturing your relationship in the flesh to nurture yourself. Meet people, commit to a hobby, commit to the small details in life and just breath. Happiness is in the moments and satisfaction and awe lie in the small details of our every day lives. Savor your work and tasks and just be in the moment. When you are fully in the moment, your mind doesn't get the chance to engage in worrying possessive thought patterns.

      Hope this helps and thanks for reading,
      Wynona

      Delete
  23. Your article sounds like what my boy friend told me last time we had an argument about him going away for a weekend. My last relationship my man left me and married another woman one "long weekend". We were not married but i was pregnant and we'd been living together awhile. I have had trust issues ever since. My boy friend went out of town again this weekend and i am trying to figure out how to deal with it. My close friends say he must be playing me and is giving me a brush off. I think maybe he just wants his space. How can we know if we are being played and have justification for lackibg trust? If i ask him questions about his weekend he will say i am being possessive. Can you help explain how we who have been hurt in the past can know if we are once again being played for a fool? Versus kniw if it is our problem by being posessive and lacking trust and we need to just chill and believe in our partner.

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    1. Hello,
      I can totally understand why you have trust issues- more often than not, it takes quite some time and life experience to recover.
      In my opinion, a healthy open relationship allows partners to ask each other about their whereabouts. In a healthy relationship, partners don't have to hide or conceal information regarding their life.
      Have you taken the time to assess the health of you and your partner's way of communicating?

      Hope all is well,
      Wynona

      Delete
  24. When im reading, i put myself in dat situation. coz dats my problem. My boyfriend and i broke up. Because of me. When i called him last time, all i know is that he's in his house. But I was shocked when i proved that he's in some place with his classmates. All i know that his classmates are all boys. But i heard a girl talking in his line. That situation blocked my mind so i ended the phone call. Seriously, i was so irritated. He dont even tell me where he is, what he's doing, and who's with him.

    We're inside the long distance relationship. I can't just trust him because we're far away from each other. Is it wrong?

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    1. Hi Nichi,

      It isn't wrong to feel suspicious or insecure when there is a lack of trust, but ask yourself why there is a lack of trust. If you're boyfriend doesn't want to tell you where he is or with whom he is with or what he is doing, talk to him about why he doesn't feel comfortable telling you those things and tell him about how him not doing that makes you feel bad about the relationship.

      Often times we clutch too tightly on to others because it distracts us from having to deal with our own personal issues. The next time you feel the suspicion and mistrust bubbling up, write down how you feel and ask yourself why you feel that way- have a conversation with yourself and just let your inner voice speak to you.

      Also know that not all relationships are meant to work and that maybe you and your partner just want different things, which is perfectly ok. Try to detach your happiness from what your partner does or doesn't do, and you will find that the truth about what you want and why you want what you want easily surfaces.

      Best of wishes and lots of love,
      Wynona

      Delete
  25. Hi Wynona,

    I love your articles; it gives me a new hope. I am in love with a guy whom I don’t trust now because of what he has done, he tried to approach my two friends. I was like a half dead when I got to know this. He has met my sister and brother and how can he do this to me. I was shattered. But when I asked him he said my friends are lying to me. We met through a common friend and started hanging out in no time without knowing him. After that incident he made me feel comfortable by surprising me with flower n chocolates , spent most of the time with me and shown extra care and love. But somewhere I feel he is still cheating me. His behavior is changing recently. He says good night to me and next morning when I opened chat window I saw him online till late night. One day is fine but for past 4 days I saw him online after wishing me good night. If I ask him anything he gets angry that I don’t trust him. So I have stopped asking him but its killing me inside. I can’t even concentrate on my work. Wynona, please advise me I don’t know what to do. I can’t live without him.
    Both of us are working so we meet in weekends - Friday and Saturday evenings and once in weekdays. Sunday he spends time with his parents. So if he is seeing a new gal I don’t know when they are meeting. I have decided so many times to end up this relation but it’s not so easy for me. He knows me very well that from the tone of my voice he can make out I am in bad mood. These days my mood swings. I don’t know if I am thinking too much about him…… So please help me Wynona…Waiting for your reply.

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    1. Hello,

      When situations like these arise, it is a great chance for us to exercise detachment. Your happiness and emotional/mental state are dependent on what this man does and doesn't do. Instead of focusing on what he does or doesn't do, which leads to obsessive behavior and much analysis like your internet chat observations, try to focus on yourself and make yourself happy. When you are in a place of self happiness, it is much easier to find solutions and gain insight towards all your life situations. The mental/emotional state that was involved in the unfurling of this predicament will not offer you the answer to the predicament.

      I suggest just talking to each other honestly about your concerns. If you find this difficult, try writing about your concerns the next time you feel very distracted. Listen to your inner voice and allow it to elaborate upon your problems.

      Sometimes we come to love and appreciate someone, but that doesn't mean we are meant to be in a long term relationship with them. Try to enjoy the time you have together without thinking of the past or the future- just truly be with him and focus on all of what he does that makes you happy.

      As for the suspicion with friends, if it is true, maybe it is an additional sign that you need to even more consciously detach your happiness from what he does. Maybe you should also reassess what you want in a partner- if it hurts you to be with him because of this and the pain keeps speaking to you, take it seriously and break things off it it will bring you relief and make you happier.

      Best of wishes and lots of love,
      Wynona

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    2. Thanks so much Wynona for such a valuable advice....yes i am trying to enjoy the time with him and not thinking about the past..lets see how far it goes..

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    3. Best of luck. Remember that you can always click the talk to me tab on my blog if you need to discuss anything.

      Wynona :)

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  26. Thanks a lot for this article. . In my relationship, I m the insecured & possessive one.. I m very short tempered & feel hurted if my guy talks to other girls or not able to give time or talk more on phone for long.. really thankful to u for writing such wonderful lines..

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    1. Hello Amreeta,

      Thank you for reading! These feelings can be hard to work through and I wish you all the best.

      Wynona

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    2. Hi Wynona,
      Firstly thank you for your wonderfully written article.

      I grew up in a very controlling environment. Everything was rules for this and rules for that. Appearance was huge and if I didn't get A's in high school, I was publicly humiliated. As such I was left always striving for perfection and when I went to university and met the girl who was to become my GF, she was quite the opposite. She was laid back, light of the party, didn't know what she wanted in life, but didn't really care either. I, on the other hand, knew exactly what I wanted in life and was on a mission to accomplish it. Even before we started dating, she began to learn about me and how I had all these standards for myself in school, fitness, finances, etc. From what she said, she was intrigued by these standards and started implementing them in her life. So we began dating and have been for the past 2 years.

      Now for the problem: it was basically dished into my lap, cuz here I am, a control freak, getting a girlfriend who wants to change to be more like me. As cool as it sounds, I really think it was/is a recipe for a disaster. I know I'm being a controlling boyfriend and I really want to stop, but I find it so difficult when she 'wants' to be changed and I'm the one 'helping' her. One other thing, and maybe this is due to all the 'help' I give, but I've somehow convinced myself she isn't my equal.
      I have never met a more caring and loving individual. She cares for me like no one ever has, but since we've been together she only hangs out with me (no more being the light of the party) even when I try to get her to go out with her old friends. I feel like she might be living in a one person world, and it would destroy that world if we were to separate because she's lost connection with everyone she knew before, but this is a different problem. It comes back to me just longing for someone to have a conversation with who gets my way of thinking, keeps up (if you know what I mean), and can teach me things too - not just me teaching her. (Now after reading this article and the comments, I understand this part may totally be me just not accepting anything she has teach me, because I have 'pre-determined' in my mind that we're not equals.) We've talked about it some, as in I told her that sometimes I just feel like her father (or older brother) teaching her all these things. And the thing is, she doesn't seem to mind it. In fact, she's the one who keeps asking for help with her budget, managing her money, helping her get more fit, etc. which is fine, but when this happens in all areas of her life and my controlling tendencies mix, I see her becoming more and more dependent on me due to me making more and more of her decisions for her. I know this is wrong and I should just insist on her making her own choices, but how do I STOP? Especially now that I've convinced both of us that it's better if I make the choices. I hate to see her fail, which I think keeps me making decisions for her since I have convinced myself that my choices are less likely to fail than hers. I know this all sounds bizarre but it's true..

      My confused state:
      Why I'm writing this is I long for an equal. I think we all do and I want to find it in her, but am I just being controlling (casting my perceived inequality on us) or is there really this inequality? How do I remove myself from this situation to be able to determine if this is true or just my pride (or something else) is getting in the way?
      How can I love her so much (I have never felt this strongly for anyone, before) yet still have this longing for an equal?

      Sorry this is so long,
      Jamie

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  27. Hi Wynona,
    I accidentally posted this comment on someone's reply instead of a separate comment so I'm re-posting this as a proper comment. Apologies for the long post.

    I grew up in a very controlling environment. Everything was rules for this and rules for that. Appearance was huge and if I didn't get A's in high school, I was publicly humiliated. As such I was left always striving for perfection and when I went to university and met the girl who was to become my GF, she was quite the opposite. She was laid back, light of the party, didn't know what she wanted in life, but didn't really care either. I, on the other hand, knew exactly what I wanted in life and was on a mission to accomplish it. Even before we started dating, she began to learn about me and how I had all these standards for myself in school, fitness, finances, etc. From what she said, she was intrigued by these standards and started implementing them in her life. So we began dating and have been for the past 2 years.

    Now for the problem: it was basically dished into my lap, cuz here I am, a control freak, getting a girlfriend who wants to change to be more like me. As cool as it sounds, I really think it was/is a recipe for a disaster. I know I'm being a controlling boyfriend and I really want to stop, but I find it so difficult when she 'wants' to be changed and I'm the one 'helping' her. One other thing, and maybe this is due to all the 'help' I give, but I've somehow convinced myself she isn't my equal.
    I have never met a more caring and loving individual. She cares for me like no one ever has, but since we've been together she only hangs out with me (no more being the light of the party) even when I try to get her to go out with her old friends. I feel like she might be living in a one person world, and it would destroy that world if we were to separate because she's lost connection with everyone she knew before, but this is a different problem. It comes back to me just longing for someone to have a conversation with who gets my way of thinking, keeps up (if you know what I mean), and can teach me things too - not just me teaching her. (Now after reading this article and the comments, I understand this part may totally be me just not accepting anything she has teach me, because I have 'pre-determined' in my mind that we're not equals.) We've talked about it some, as in I told her that sometimes I just feel like her father (or older brother) teaching her all these things. And the thing is, she doesn't seem to mind it. In fact, she's the one who keeps asking for help with her budget, managing her money, helping her get more fit, etc. which is fine, but when this happens in all areas of her life and my controlling tendencies mix, I see her becoming more and more dependent on me due to me making more and more of her decisions for her. I know this is wrong and I should just insist on her making her own choices, but how do I STOP? Especially now that I've convinced both of us that it's better if I make the choices. I hate to see her fail, which I think keeps me making decisions for her since I have convinced myself that my choices are less likely to fail than hers. I know this all sounds bizarre but it's true..

    My confused state:
    Why I'm writing this is I long for an equal. I think we all do and I want to find it in her, but am I just being controlling (casting my perceived inequality on us) or is there really this inequality? How do I remove myself from this situation to be able to determine if this is true or just my pride (or something else) is getting in the way?
    How can I love her so much (I have never felt this strongly for anyone, before) yet still have this longing for an equal?

    Can't wait to hear back from you,
    Jamie

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    1. Hello Jamie,

      It seems that your relationship dynamic is too imbalanced to offer sustainable happiness as it is. Your girlfriend has lost her independence and the spark you first found so attractive in her, and that combined with your abundant drive for perfection makes her weak will even weaker and comfortably so.

      I totally get it- you don't want to be a parent, you want to be a partner. Although a great partner is someone you can teach and care for and love, for the relationship to sustain itself both partners must grow. It sounds like your girlfriend is doing a lot of growing with your help, but you are frustrated because you want an equal because an equal will help you grow but that is not what you find in your partner.

      You two sound like you care very deeply for another. The relationship isn't doomed, there are certainly ways of bringing about a fresh change. Sit down and talk to your girlfriend and tell her how this imbalance is affecting you, and listen to what she has to say. Help her find hobbies she can do herself that will make her happy and do the same for yourself.

      It could be that your girlfriend is truly happy with a father figure partner, and there is nothing wrong with that. Tell her that although you enjoy being there for her, you find the extent out of hand and would like to explore different "shades" of the relationship. Try this by getting to know her passions and interests and asking her for help on any of these fields.

      You also must stop convincing her that your choices are more likely to succeed than hers. To find an equal in her, you must really encourage her to regrasp her individuality and discuss the fact that she truly does know what is best for her. Apologize if you have to for leading her to believe you think you know better than her. You also must drop this belief that you do know whats better for her than she does because having that belief creates the reality that is causing you such pain.

      First and foremost, work on you and how you perceive your girlfriend. Really take the time to notice how you think of her, if you judge her, how you speak to her, and write this down. It may be eye opening. Focus on what you appreciate about her. In intimate relationships, minds meld together and it could be that your will has made her succumb to your beliefs, which is not your fault, but if you can help change the direction, take the wheel.

      Focus on what you love about her and appreciate her. Find the strength and individuality in her and believe in that, share that belief and love, and it will grow and you two will grow together.

      Have patience and be loving to yourself and to her through the process, for the process is where you find your alignments.

      Wynona

      Delete
  28. Hi Wynona,
    your article has inspired me a lot.
    i"ve been married for the past twenty years and before we got married we were dating from teenage. so this is really a long relationship.when i entered this relationship i was kind of heart broken from a previous relationship so i didnt want to let go this relationship. i was like over possesive . if he goes with his friends. i never liked that .but still i was not satisfied and i had a secret affair and he found that and still we didnt breakup but he forgave me . and then after some time i found out he"s having an affair. we argued and again we patched up. like that we are playing tit for tat . both are blaming for not caring and going for other relationship but ultimately coming to each other but this time i went little further by having sex that he couldn't take and went straight to a very deep relationship but now i deeply regret for for the past and have become a new person.we know that we love each other very much but now i'm fed up of these games and hes taking the other relationship very seriously . i know this happened becos of me . as we have a kid we don't want argue in front of her and ruin the love she has for us but i don't have patience .now im much possessive than before i want to get rid of that possessiveness and jealousy. he says he cant hurt her and cant hurt me either but if she goes from that relationship he doesn't have any objection. he is a kind and family man but very short tempered stubborn and has ego too. earlier he was possessive too but after this new relationship he is very cool and very happy. i feel very hurt that the happiness is not for me but still he wants me too may be because we have a family. he cares for me but feels very distant and the love is divided.. my inner voice is telling give more love to him like u said but i cannot practice as u say. the moment i see him feels suspicious that he met her or text her .from there arguments arise. but he wants peace that's what he says but he doesn't want to leave her too. i know you will be thinking what a weird person i am that i did so much and im expecting so much. even i too want peace love and happiness. please give yr expert advice in this. im sure it will work if god wills. thank you for bearing this long query

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    1. Hello,

      I am glad you told me your heart says to give love- mainly, I think you need to give more love to yourself. Let go of this relationship in your mind and let your heart and feelings guide you, for this is a tricky situation and it is very important now to make sure you feel clear and stable within yourself. Maybe you need to take a break from your husband and really figure out what you want for your self instead of allowing this triangle to define your feelings and reactions.

      Peace will only come once you let go and truly tune into your inner voice that leads you to what is right for you and your true happiness. Do not expect anything from this relationship- surrender all hopes and just focus on you, in the moment, now.

      Now you really need to love yourself until you are stable enough to let the peace and love ebb and flow externally.

      Wynona

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    2. thank you very much for your kind advice. i have started to let go of my negative energy by following your advice. I've started meditation that makes my mind clear and the stress of all these years started to vanish. thinking about myself more and my hobbies which I've forgotten long time ago .it's kind of miracle for me.the jealousy, suspicion which is harboring inside me for so long started vanishing. i know these negative feelings won't go suddenly but i know there is a change and it will make me feel good. When i ask for a separation he said that he's working out to make things better and asked to give some time. We have a sweet 9 year old daughter who love us so much and i know how much hurt she would be to see when we get separated. Now that my mind is focused on me and to my daughter I've less time to worry about other things. Thank you Wynona so much for your inspiration. without you i couldn't have done this cos nobody ever advised me like this in my whole life.It's so happy to see people like you who can understand human so deeply can make lot of changes in others.God bless you.

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    3. I'm really glad to hear you've been feeling much better and letting the peace and ease in your life and self. It is amazing how much better we experience life when we practice mindfulness. I wish you and your family the best and thank you so much for the kind comment.

      Wynona

      Delete
  29. I m girl.I feel jealously wen my boy friend goes to meet his college friends especialy girls.We were in same college.Later he joined other collge for further studies.
    They are planing for stay trip.and i m very upset about it.
    please help me

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    1. I can understand why you feel uncomfortable about this. Talk to him about it, maybe make an agreement that you two will talk for a certain amount of time when he's gone. Just be open about your feelings and listen to what he has to say and try to keep your energy focused on what makes you feel good and happy and in the moment.

      Wynona

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  32. I just wanted to add on here that it seems like some people with (in my opinion) minor problems are claiming they are possessive, jealous, etc. I don't think that because you get jealous, you're wrong. Everyone gets jealous. If you're going way out of your way to control someone... then you may want to re-evaluate yourself. But having second thoughts about your significant other from time to time is normal when they've cheated on you! They CHEATED YOU and you didn't sign up for that.... THEY have the problem. THEY acted (by cheating) you RE-ACTED (by feeling betrayed) and of course you're going to get jealous. Most people can't get over this until the relationship over. Myself as an example. I have been cheated on twice and both times it was terrible. I didn't stay with the person. I LEFT THEM. My personality.... I can't get the image of another man pleasuring my girlfriend.... ever. Me + that = never getting over it. I don't hold grudges... I just moved on. Finding someone you think you love and then changing them to your preference is a different story. Telling your girlfriend that your uncomfortable with the clothes she's wearing because they're too revealing is PERFECTLY NORMAL. There is absolutely no way around being comfortable with other men going out of their way to stare at your girlfriends ass. I can say from experience as well, its even more difficult when the girl your with PURPOSELY wears leggings so people can look at her ass. <---- you cannot change that person. either you deal with it and be grumpy, or MOVE ON.

    I think the real problem here isn't identified. The problem isn't WHY you get jealous, etc. It's how you're going to handle the situation with these emotions. I don't believe there is any article that will fix or justify every situation. So in the mean time, don't go diagnosing yourself because that could be much worse than your current situation. I used the word girlfriend in the text because you should already KNOW your wife and her tendencies. I know my wife and she just WOULDN'T do some of these things. I also used girlfriend because I am a male. Everything i said applies to both sex's.

    I came on here thinking I was controlling possessive....No I was just looking for certain qualities in all the wrong people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Anonymous!

      I totally agree that jealousy is a two way game for most normal situations. Honesty is very important when assessing whether your partner's needs for attention are compatible with you. It's very different for different people due to our various beliefs and the simplest answer is to find someone with compatible views instead of trying to change them.

      Of course, communication is very important and discussing what makes you uncomfortable is essential.

      But I don't think that many of the commenters are diagnosing themselves wrongly. The exploration of their jealousy should be explored because there are always internal reasons, and this importance is heightened because their day to day functioning really is being affected. How you handle these emotions has very much to do with why these emotions come up.

      I'm glad you figured out what you were looking for!

      Wynona

      Delete
  33. I think you are the nly one who can solve my problem...
    I am in a relationship since last 4 years and everything was going nice...butsince last 1year I have developed over possessive ness and I force my gf to behave according to me..to wear clothes of my choice, to talk to people of my choice andall that. ..but I feel that this not the correct way...help me to get out of this as soonas possible...ir will be a great favor of you on me...pls pls help me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Anonymous,
      First you have to ask yourself where all of this possessiveness could have possibly come from. When you next feel this possessive energy coursing through you, really feel through it and don't ignore it. Let it speak to you.
      Also, stop treating your girlfriend like an object. She is not your possession and you have no right to force these things upon her. She is probably scared of you right now and thinks you will act out and possibly hurt her if she disobeys you. Seriously, stop it. It is a terrible thing to do. Just stop. Tell her you are sorry and to no longer listen to you.

      Pay more attention to yourself. Nourish and take care of yourself. Listen to your pain. Right now you are not listening to your pain and you redirect your pain towards abusing your relationship.

      Delete
  34. This really helped me. I love this, honestly im 14 years old. This sounds crazy but i too am in a relationship. It has been 6 months of exclusive dating and she means the world to me. this pat week i havent been able to see her and to talk to her as much as needed; i finally got to tonight. She is staying the night at her friends house. Well i have been told that they are like brother and sister and im totally ok with that actually. i just got quite jealous that he got to see her and i havent all week. We are a really religious relationship, we try and do all things through Christ and thats what we stand for. So she texts me that she is gonna be busy and she isnt really the on to tell me exactly what she is doing and where she is going. im not a fan of that, for i tell her every little thing that happens in my life and where im going and what i am doing. i do it so she doesnt have to worry, i know she trusts me, but i have asked her why she doesnt tell me. she says she doesnt think it is necesary. I do it because it think it will be easier honestly. i mean if i would like to know exactly what she is doing than wouldnt she the same for me. So she is at her friends house staying the night i ask her friend if she could use his phone. So his mom has his phone and tells me that they are brother and sister and i need to stop being so jealous. As i read this i realized that it might actually be jealousy. He is 16 and he is a foot ball player and athletic and has curly hair and is like 5`9. i think i really might be jealous of this guy. They have spent their whole life together and i think i really am.. she knows him better than she knows me and i think that honestly makes me mad. I feel soo imature but its sooo true, its how i feel honestly. im still not gonna get to see her for another two days.. i miss her sooo much and when she finally got to call me she was wanting a break and telling me i need to stop being so possessive over her. its soo true. i dont want to be a possessive boyfriend becuase she said if that doesnt change than we arnt gonna work. we do everything together. we go to the same church in the same badn, same classes, same school, same everything.
    we are truly in love and i know yall are all gonna say we are tooo young but we are very responsible and very intelligent. I really want to fix myself before i get hurt. She promised before she would ever brake up with me that she would talk to me and help me fix it first... but since she can not talk to me i have to fix myself and soo far it is really hard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lane,
      It seems to me that you need to develop your own life more- it is good to have a separate set of hobbies and friends that you don't have to always share with your significant other. Being your own independent person is essential for a successful relationship. Just try to focus on you and fulfilling your own needs, and try to relax about what she is doing.

      Best,
      Wynona

      Delete
  35. Hi, Thank you so much for a nice article. I have been like what I should not have been as you explained in your article. Slight difference, it is not with my partner but with people that I am affectionate with. I am not sure whether I tried to control them, but always expected them to be affectionate with me, reciprocate my love and care. When I dont get that, I become very upset and go back to my shell. I think I understand the importance of letting people as they are but still continue with my love and affection. What I dont understand is whether expecting reciprocation is good or not. Thanks for your eyeopener.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello G,
      Some people are comfortable with showing lots of love and affection, and some people like to express their care in different ways. Maybe you can pay more attention to the ways the people you love are showing their love for you. Maybe they do it by listening or doing chores or giving gifts or being practical.

      Wynona

      Delete
  36. fabulous! thanks for writing this article, I just hope i can put these words into actions.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Hi there..nice article...
    Now if only it was easier said than done to handle being possesive...
    I'm in my early thirties, have always tried to go by rules, when things aren't fair it really bothers me to the point that I get upset (even if what happened has nothing to do with me), I am very strict, I like things to go a certain way and when they don't it really bothers me, I am very sensitive, I am very loving and caring,when I am in a relationship I give it my all, and I am nice.
    My big big flaws: I am well aware that I am overly possesive and jealous. For this not to get too long, I will cut to the chase. I have a gf for almost 5 years now. When I met her I told her right off the bat about my flaws (I like being honest and don't like to mislead people into thinking that I am a certain way when I'm not). And because I am a very reserved person and mostly likes to stay at home to read, watch movies or go out to watch movies or do something laid back, it is important to me that the person I'm with is not only okay with that, but that they have no problem with being the same. My gf was okay with it at the beginning, but for a few months now she has been experiencing the need to have her social life back. A life in which she hangs out with friends and chats with them through the messaging services that our phones offer. It is all innocent, but here is where my possesiven nature goes in over drive: I am jealous of the attention she wants to give others, I keep wrecking my brain with the thought that I'm not enough, it hurts me to my core to share her, it hurts me to my core that she WANTS to spend time with people other then me. She explained that it's nothing bad, nothing romatically, and that it's not about the people itself but the activities involved in socializing. She said she did not feel this way before because she was grieving (she had lost her mom a year before she met me) but now that she has healed she feels like this part of her life is missing. I don't mind her going out to do what she says what she wants to do because it's all innocent...the problem is that I want to be there too :-( It's like I want to be her everything. Because of my possesiveness she has lied to me about her whereabouts and witheld from me certain things, saying that she couldn't tell me because she knew how I would react. I am in it deep...I don't know how to change...I know it's wrong but I don't know how to feel differently...I am depressed...I cry a lot and feel so alone. We talk a lot, especially now that she is stuck in trying to decide whether to leave memor not because she really feels that the social part of her life is missing and that she is not being herself...

    Sorry for the long letter but I feel devasted and I really wish I could be "normal"...

    Hoping tonhear back from you, I remain,

    With best regards

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh God I have the same problem! My reason is exactly the same why I get jealous. I want to be with him ALL the time. And he often hides things from me because I react badly. I am so depressed all the time because of this.

      Delete
    2. Hello Anonymous,
      Sorry for the slow response.

      I think the best path for you right now would be to find your own hobbies and interests and channel some of the energy you put into being possessive into something that fascinates you or amuses you. Your girlfriend deserves to have a social life, and so do you. Try to make your own set of friends and bring some balance into your life. Open yourself up to interact with other people. It might be a bumpy ride at first, but try not to take it too seriously. Wake up each day and tell yourself that life is supposed to be fun and free, so go out and do something that makes you feel fun and free.

      Best wishes

      Delete
  38. This article is great..keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
  39. i was wondering if anyone can give me more help on how to stop being possessive and paranoid, i did not believe i was possessive towards my girlfriend untill my mom told me my dad was the same, and now i am so scared of losing here so i am here for advice,tips, anything. i am so scared to turn out like my dad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Dean,
      You don't have to be afraid of turning out like your dad. Just remember to be aware of your behavior and how you're feeling. How you feel directs your behavior, but you can direct your feelings towards what you want to feel. Direct your attention to what makes you feel calm and happy.

      Best regards

      Delete
  40. Whatever you wrote, just opened up my eyes. I feel bad for my girl and myself. Now that I know what the real problem is, it would help me work things out.
    thanks a ton.

    ReplyDelete
  41. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  42. It seems like you wrote what's happening in my mind. I am sick of this jealousy and possessiveness over my husband. We were together for 7 years before getting married 1 and a half year back. I was not possessive in the beginning of our relationship. But then our relationship had too many ups and downs. He was possessive in the beginning but then he resolved his issues and I got that bug! I flip out even if he plays with children, spend time with others and that's because I want to be always there with him. It is also because our relationship needs work right now and we are not happy. So when he is with someone else, I get jealous because he is not happy with me. I am sick of myself. I want to enjoy life. I want to be free of this obsession. And there's no need to communicate this to him because he knows all of this and right now whatever I try to tell him leads to another fight. We love each other a lot. And we are not going to get a divorce. It's all my fault. I don't know how to control my jealousy. I always feel left out when he is with someone else. HELP ME!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Anonymous,

      Every morning, set the intention that you'd like to be free. Pay attention to thoughts that make you feel free or remind you of freedom, explore those thoughts. Do what makes you feel good. Slowly loosen your grip. Don't take your relationship too seriously- it will take care of itself as long as you first take care of you and your inner world. Focus on your inner world and observe any angry feelings with gentleness- let them die out, don't feed them, just pay attention to them when they come up to process them.

      Try to take up some hobbies and more interests. Focus on yourself and breathe deeply. To get over this, you have to root yourself in the freedom of the presence.

      Best wishes.

      Delete
  43. This is a Nice article... I felt where am lacking and identified what should I do now...

    Got some relax after reading this... thank you very much..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Super glad this article spoke to you :)
      Thanks for reading!

      Wynona

      Delete
  44. Replies
    1. Glad you recognize it as so, Rishiraj :)
      Have a great day!

      Delete
  45. This article helped me alot. You have no idea. Thank you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i am super glad it did! thanks for reading and best of wishes :)

      Delete
  46. i sent this to someone i broke up with.. who still thinks we are together for the reason i broke up with he still doesn't see that's why but its OK(just glad hes overseas atm0.. thanks for the read

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope he understands too :)

      Thanks for reading and sharing!

      Delete
  47. Nice article. So relieving. Great

    ReplyDelete
  48. Hi.. i'm in a relationship wid a guy from 3 years, he is 3 years younger thn me, from past4-5 months, he is involving wid some other girls, telling that there is no scope of our relation in future, so wats wrong in getting in other relation same tym, he want me to understand and accept that girl in between us, he want to be in relation wid both of us, that girl does'nt knw anything about me, and he is dominating me if i try to talk to her, before 1 month he told me that he love me only and that was jst an attraction wid that girl, i thought he is changing and i must give him 1 chance, so i did the same, but frm last 5-6 days m observing that his behave is again chaining and he is being rude to me without any reason, even this behavior of him making me more possessive towards him, i m following on social websites and phone applications that both of them are again engaging at the same tym, might possible m thinking too much but this makes me crazy and over possessive, even he is not answering any of my questions. Pls suggest me what shall i do??? i cnt work, i cnt sleep.. pls pls guys help me wat to do?

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  49. hi,i like this post.
    my problem is ,i'l get possesive when i get attachd to somone i love more.I dont know what to do.hope u'l wtite more

    ReplyDelete
  50. how to control possessiveness...

    ReplyDelete
  51. Hey guys i am a relationship with a girl from 3 yrs she loves me very much as much as i do but for 2 yrs i dominated her i used to lover her but i kinda ignored her but she dint leave me for watever reason it was, But now things have changed now she tells she loves me i have changed for her now i have realized her love but now she kinda ignores me, She tells she loves me and all but she when she gets angry she will tell no i dont want you i dont love u and all after calming down again she will become normal..My question is the person who loved for 2 years so much she dint leave me when i was bad to her now when i am caring her loving her keeping her as a priority in ma life she as gone very far pls pls help me what to do?

    ReplyDelete
  52. Thanks to the great spell caster know as Dr.Ekpiku, for bringing back my man who has left me for the past 5months. But now i have be able to have my man through the help of Dr.Ekpiku, again all thanks to you and your Oracle Dr.Ekpiku. People out there having this same problem i have before, should please contact Dr. Ekpiku on Ekpikuspelltemple@live.com for i know him will help you, just like him did for me

    ReplyDelete
  53. I have just found the right spell caster who has bring back my happiness by helping me get my ex back after 2years and i must thank my Dr. Aikhomun who has play a very vital part of my life making me a great person and the most happiest person today you are a great man who is bless by God with traditional healing spell caster, after Dr. Aikhomun has help me get my ex back he also help me recover what i have lost from me i must thank Dr. Aikhomun for the life he has restored back for me and my happiness. Now i am doing well in my work happily with my wife, Dr. Aikhomun is a very great spell caster you need to know just meet him and your problem will be over.. Email him via: Aikhomunspellhome@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  54. Thanks a lot for this post. I would like to fix myself because this is going insane.
    I am jealous and possessive and yes i want to control her life. Somehow i call it right bus somehow not. If someone else would tell me same things about their partner i would say like its not working that way leave him or or but not for myself.
    My girlfriend didn't cheat on me and neither i have been cheated in previous relationships. I love her and I know she loves me as well more than life like she says. The problem is that maybe I don't have full trust on her because she had many partners in the past and of course that is something that I don't wanna think about because it hurts me and drives me insane even when past belongs to the past. She says I don't need to be so jealous and control freak because she loves me and only me and would not ever want to hurt me and furthermore in that way. As well she says to get in my mind that she does not want or need or get attracted or tempted by anyone else but me. My fear is not her leaving me but just cheating me. So i get stressed and unbearable like counting time when she leaves work or anywhere and calculating time she might be back. If delays even 10 or 15 or 20 minutes more my brain goes insane like where she is what she is doing and staff.
    If you have any real concrete suggestion I would beg for your help because I am really tired of all this and sometimes i really think like i cant be in a relationship without getting frustrated. Thank you for reading this and I beg you for help

    ReplyDelete
  55. Hi...

    Im married for 13 years and I am a jealous and controlling husband.
    My issues started when I learnt about my wifes past. And as the years passed more and more stories of her past came to surface. I felt lied to and cheated on as some of it happened while we were dating.
    I find it really really hard to trust her because she did horrible things with strange men. I constantly live in fear.
    Its affecting my work...my relationship with my kids is affected as I cannot be happy. Recently she joined gym and is paying a personal instructor to train her and she comes home telling me how much he flirts with her. I told her that I am unhappy with her training with him.
    She refuses to stop and calls me a jealous and controlling husband that is emotionally abusing her.
    But im so scared she is going to do wrong with this instructor because he is exactly her type of guy and she is exactly his type of girl....and I sit at work daily with so much fear and anxiety that she is at gym spending time with him.
    I love my wife to bits and I love my kids like crazy and I dont want to leave and destroy our home but I cannot live in fear forever and fight daily about her training with this guy. She says I should trust her and she is doing nothing wrong with him.
    How do I just relax and trust her after learning how weak she always was around men.

    ReplyDelete
  56. This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me...My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with two kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called DR DAVID EHISUAN who i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called grace,she testified about how DR DAVID EHISUAN brought back her Ex lover in less than 3DAY and at the end of her testimony she drop DR DAVID EHISUAN e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give DR DAVID EHISUAN try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. DR DAVID EHISUAN is really a talented and gifted man and i will not to stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man...If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try the great DR DAVID EHISUAN today, he might be the answer to your problem. Here's his contact: drdavidehisuanlovespellhome@outlook.com, CONTACT him, drdavidehisuanlovespellhome@outlook.com

    ReplyDelete

  57. FAITHFULNESS LOVE SPELL

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    ReplyDelete
  58. i wish my boyfriend would admit and try helping himself :(

    ReplyDelete


  59. Am contacting you due to the trust i have for you and your spirits, you made my friend a rich man , and he is the one that recommended me to you, am tired of bad life suffering ,i have worked for eight years without success even to build a roof on my head, i have got kids who needs proper care and education ,i have lots of debts,i understand my friend had the same problems before getting helped from you. now my friend is one of the most successful business man in U.S.A please ,my God homeofhelpingsolution am begging you with tears in my face, help me to stand on my feet, even if it means to leave government work and come to sleep at your kitchen till you help me i will do, i need good life. i will give testimonies every. where as i have started it already please homeofhelpingsolution help me out is email address homeofhelpingsolution@yahoo.com he is here to help you solved your problem

    ReplyDelete
  60. my name is Marisa James,i am From GERMANY I never knew I could be happy again cause my life turned in a mess by my ex boy friend named James, cause the love I had for him was incomparable, I loved him with all my heart but he dumped me just because of any other girl, ever since then I have never been my self cause I love James and think of him every seconds of my life so I cant just let him go like that cause I think he is the love of my life, so I decided to go on research on net on how to get lost lover back. At hot mail blog that was how I saw a lady who testified the great things which Dr,adamuku did for her after reading I was convinced to give a try to Dr. adamuku to see if he can help me also. So that was how I contacted him adamukusolutiontemple@gmail.com and told him my problem. So when I told him my problem he just told me not to worry that I will have James back within 48hours, I was so surprised, I he call me and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened,. I was so surprised and was short of words cause I could not believe what I was hearing. So that was how James came to me and now we are living happily than ever before. My friends out there who needs help I will advice you contact Dr. adamuku for help.website http://getyourexloveback.webs.com/ You can reach him via: adamukusolutiontemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  61. Jacqueline spencerNovember 5, 2014 at 4:44 PM

    my husband was always cheating on me and even spends nights out. sometimes he even leave for the entire week end, pretending that he has work, but i know he just go meet women, my life was lame until, i asked kizzekpespells@outlook.com to cast a spell for me. so that my husband can be a good man and after his spell, my husband changed automatically, he now spends much more time with me and the kids and we're a family again

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  63. The article is simple and to the point. It helped me realise how silly i was. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  64. This is really amazing post. I can 100% relate to this in my real life.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Wow, you hit the nail on the coffin! I have been trying to figure out somethings and you pretty much help me see what the problem was and who it was and it was me. I'm very demanding and possessive but I do it to protect my spouse. I just realize that I might of hurt his feelings and his pride and now he no longer want to be with me anymore. I need to work on myself but like he told me earlier in the relationship why be with him if I don't trust him? Which is a true statement. Sigh.....I havent talked to him in a few days after the incident with bible study and we were doing so well and all of a sudden tings start to go downhill. I think I was smothering him a lot, I was being demanding and possessive and I was trying to change him knowing you can't change a man but I'm not all the way 100% neither. I have a lot of flaws and I also have a lot of things that have been happening to me while we we're together. sigh.....I can't stop thinking about him and this time I want to work on myself before I come to him again. I'm going to let the holidays pass, I'm going to sit back and just let things happen naturally. I really do love him and don't want to be with no one but him but I know it's some things I need to work on myself first. I miss my Pookie poo

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  66. wow what a great article thank you so much. I have found that I am very controlling and possessive in my relationship. When I am angry because I am not in control, I often try to break up or threaten my boyfriend to break up. I love him dearly and I do not want to lose him but this time around he has decided that he is unsure if he wants to be with me because I am so quick to make these decisions when I am angry. He likes to stay out late at night with his friends and this is a time that I think he should be spending with me. I often call him over and over again and text him until I become furious because he is ignoring me to avoid a fight. He is a great man and I trust that he would not ever cheat on me but I am just upset that he does not want to spend more time with me. How can I let him live his life and still have fun but also to let him know that I miss him. Do you have any suggestions that I can use to help me with my controlling ways.

    also when he is feeling down I asked him what's wrong he doesn't want to talk about it sometime. It makes me feel bad that he can't share with me what is on his mind. But I'm the contrary if I'm upset and don't want to talk about it sometimes I expect him to give me my face until I am ready. Do you have any insight on that?

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  67. I need help
    I am everything u said in this article and don't know how to change
    I think I have anxiety when ever my partner talks to a certain girl that has history behind it
    How do I get past this

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  68. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  69. Amazing article, in simple words you can describe such complex emotions, great job. Very helpful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks for such great vibes! glad it was of use to you!

      lots of love,
      wynona

      Delete
  70. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  71. I did all of that when I lost my beloved at 19 and my entire life was flipped around. I refused to believe that we were not together. Things never changed. Now I am with someone else, and I know that going back to my ex would not be wise anymore. We've changed.All this happen because i contacted a great spell caster who help me in getting back my lover,so if you want him to get back your love ones please contact him on this greatzula@yahoo.com

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  72. my ex left me because i found out he was cheating on me and I accused him of it. he ignored me over four months not talking to me no calls i tried all i can to bring him back. I seek for help and advice some persons lead me to spiritual Dr. contacting email anuspiritualhome@gmail.com and I seek his help 24 hours after my ex came back to me smoothly and beg me to forgive him.

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  73. Good day everybody am here to share my life testimony to you all and to those time of life you think everything has end no, there is always a way out, my life is an example of that, my name is Cacilia am from USA but i work here in UK and i have been in a relationship for 4years now i sacrifice my life my money to make sure it work out and to have a happy family with my boyfriend a time comes when my boyfriend lost his job i stand to make sure he never lack anything and i fight for him to get a new job and have our wedding planed few weeks ago my boyfriend got a good job and i was so happy for him and we where happy together again last week i was at the eatery when i say my boyfriend with a girl eating and having fun i thought it was a friend or something when i got home i ask my boyfriend who was that girl you where with at the eatery today he said she is a friend at work i said ok little did i know that she is a girl that want to rip where she did not soar i try to talk it over with my boyfriend but he refuse and told me he want to end our relationship that he have a new girl in his life now, i could not get myself i thought it was a joke he left me in the house for days i try calling him but refuse to pick my call and send me a text and told me is over i cried and cried a man i labored for now is time for me to have a peace of mind a go-digger want to take what belongs to me i report him to his friends and he still don't want to let go i was diver-stated and confuse so i was looking for advise in the internet when i saw a testimony of a woman dr wakina help i say to my self i want to be happy again like this woman i give it a try and contact him on his website and told him my problem and he assure me that everything we be fine again and i believe him after 3days my boyfriend came home and kneel down and beg me to forgive him i was so surprise right now we are back together and happy and even fix a date for our wedding i thank you Dr wakina for making me a happy woman again contact him today and you we also share a good story like me his email address is wakinaspellhome@yahoo.com or his website http://drwakinaspellhome.webs.com also call him on his mobile number +2348168232724 and you we testify like me.

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  74. Hello! everyone out here,I am James William from Portland Oregon United state.It has been my desire to help people out with their problems no matter how little my contribution may be.

    As regards to the promise i made to BABA ARUOSA if he could help me get back my girlfriend,i'm using this means to fulfill my promise and also let everybody know there's solution to your problem no matter how difficult you think it is okay.

    I loved a girl for more than 2 years and she told me she was going to marry me.But she would change her mind and tell me she didn't love me anymore and was seeing a guy,which i found out.I begged her to accept me and also tried every means possible to make her know i can't live without her because i really love her but she would pay deaf ears to me.

    We were working in the same company and each time i see her,i wish all this weren't happening.This pain continued till a friend of mine led me to BABA ARUOSA whom he told me was very extremely powerful and has helped with a problem.

    Soon as i contacted him,i knew he was the exact answer to my solution because i felt his powers from his carefully selected words and calmness.I explain all that happened to me and he told me what to do.I did as i was instructed and never doubted him.To my greatest surprise what i felt was almost impossible within the twinkle of an eyes was over.

    She called me pleading for my forgiveness for how she has treated me and that she loves me so much and will never cheat on me again and will marry me.And from that moment till now all we've been experiencing is happiness in our relationship.We'll be getting married soon........lol

    I would advice anyone with problem to contact him via email : templeofsupernaturalcontact@gmail.com for his help.

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  75. I m being over possessive for my partner and as a result there is very stress in my five yrs relationship ....i am trying not to be over possessive but its not working what to do now how to make my relationship healthy and happy one again

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  76. Reading this was like reading who I've been the past year and a half. About a year and half ago I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me while we had been in our long distant relationship. I found out shortly after we moved in together. Well he convinced me to give him another chance. I honestly can see how hard he's tired to show me regretted what he did. We had our son almost 5 months ago.
    The thing is I just can't let go of trying to control him. I am jealous of any person he hangs out with. He's to the point hes so depressed and barely wants to look at me. I can't punish him forever I know that. I forgave him but it's so hard to forget. He's the only person I've ever been in love with, and we weren't always this way.
    I know I have to deal with my brokenness. Not just from what he did, but also my daddy issues of course. I've never loved myself, I've never felt like I deserved love. I've always broke off relationships before they even had a chance to grow. So being with him has been a whole new experience for him. I don't want to lose him but I wont hurt him and hold him back any longer.

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  77. How i got my Husband back Thanks to Lord Alika for bringing back my Husband ,and brought great joy to my family??? My name is Kathryn Louise, My Ex-Husband dumped me two weeks ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don't know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help people to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 48hours that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Lord Alika , You are truly talented and gifted. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man.Email: lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +19206246318. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http

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  78. Just few weeks ago I saw a comment about Dr. Ekpen Temple, someone talking about how he has help him in his relationship break up, I also contacted him because i was facing the same problem in my relationship, today i can boldly recommend Dr. Ekpen Temple to someone who is also facing break up in his or her relationship to contact him for help today because he has help me restore my relationship back to normal, here is he contact details (ekpentemple@gmail.com) or whatsapp him on +2347050270218

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  79. My relationship of 3 years was sinking and i was devastated. My fiancee broke up with me and I got no explanations from him. for me to get him back, i have to find a solution, I went to 3 different spell casters they all failed to bring back my lover, I really wasn’t sure anymore if spells were real so as i was making a search one morning i saw some great reviews about manifestspellcast@yahoo.com, I was a bit skeptical at first but a friend asked me to try and see what happens, so I requested for a love spell from this spell caster, he said he will take his time to do a love spell that will bring my man back to me, after some days my lover reconciled with me, It felt good to have my lover back, when he returned he said he would never leave me again. I saw him transform from a guy who wanted out to a guy who always wanted to be with me. now my lover is more open, with Manifest Spell I know love spell is real, Thanks to Manifest Spell for getting me my man back. I appreciate all his time, effort, and energy he puts during the spell cast..

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  80. am from United States i want to share my life experience to every body on this site.i was in a serious relationship with Brown, i love him so much we have dated for almost 5 years now.until he meant another girl called Sandra he told me that he is know longer interested in dating me any more. i was so confuse i don't know what to do.so i told my friend about what my love just told me and she told me that she can solve my problem i was doubting her how can that be possible.so she directed me to a spell caster called Dr. Ogbefi.so i contacted him and i explain every thing to him and he told me that my problem will be solved within two days if i believe i said OK.So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back to me begging me on his knees on the ground asking me to forgive him.Am so happy now. so that why i decided to share my experience with every body that have such problem contact him email; solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com is a great man in case you are facing any kind of problem please contact him he will solve your problem for you once again thanks solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com And also Reach him on WhatsApp Number: +2348056932763 Thanks Dr Ogbefi

    ReplyDelete
  81. am from United States i want to share my life experience to every body on this site.i was in a serious relationship with Brown, i love him so much we have dated for almost 5 years now.until he meant another girl called Sandra he told me that he is know longer interested in dating me any more. i was so confuse i don't know what to do.so i told my friend about what my love just told me and she told me that she can solve my problem i was doubting her how can that be possible.so she directed me to a spell caster called Dr. Ogbefi.so i contacted him and i explain every thing to him and he told me that my problem will be solved within two days if i believe i said OK.So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back to me begging me on his knees on the ground asking me to forgive him.Am so happy now. so that why i decided to share my experience with every body that have such problem contact him email; solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com is a great man in case you are facing any kind of problem please contact him he will solve your problem for you once again thanks solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com And also Reach him on WhatsApp Number: +2348056932763 Thanks Dr Ogbefi

    ReplyDelete
  82. Good day everyone. I have something to share with you.. My name is Andrew Ryan USA, my girlfriend and I were separated for a long period due to some misunderstanding, I came across different spell casters and they were all unable to bring my lover back. I was so sad and almost gave up on him when i met a spell caster called Great Doctor Omoluyi who helped me get my lover back. Ever since then i have been so happy and couldn't believe it would happen. He also helped me with success spell, I have been living happily with my lover now and will be getting married soon. Here is his contact Email: [ Doctoromoluyispelltemple@gmail.com ] if you need his help on getting your ex back, stop your marriage from crumbling or you need success in every aspect of your life. He is really a good spell caster. Cell Number: +1 (914) 517-3229 Email: Doctoromoluyispelltemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  83. If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

    Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

    Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

    Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

    And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

    Insert subject line here and link it to: <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

    Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

    It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

    And even begging to be with you.

    Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

    Thanks again.

    ReplyDelete
  84. After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

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