Sunday, September 22, 2013

How to Stop Thinking About Someone


Sometimes we meet certain people who cause us to fall into infatuation or even obsession over them. They possess certain special qualities and make us feel certain special ways that are extremely fascinating and enjoyable to us. Some of us are more prone to this kind of behavior- the "hopeless romantics" and the ones who "fall in love" at first sight are very well experienced with this sort of pattern.

This infatuation is natural but sometimes it gets to a point where it is crippling. We can no longer focus on our daily life and our plans and days revolve around that person- whether directly or indirectly. We dream and daydream about them, they are our first thoughts in the morning and the last thoughts before we fall asleep.

This endless thinking soon turns into aggravation and disappointment- we over-analyze everything they do and show up at places we expect them to be, then feel utterly idiotic and creepy for making such an effort to bump into them. The cute bubbly feeling of a crush soon turns into a dragging heavy burden. In order to alleviate ourselves from this pattern, we have to be able to stop thinking about them in such an imbalanced way.

Are We Neglecting Ourselves?
Instead of fully nurturing ourselves, are we placing that effort and intention onto someone else? Are we giving ourselves enough time and attention to function at our best and are we giving ourselves enough freedom and stimulus to grow?

Sometimes we focus on another so intently because it distracts us from our own challenges and growth. Instead of catering to our own needs and best interests, we project that intention onto that which is external to us. We sometimes do this because it is easier to face problems revolving around someone else than it is to really sift through and feel out all of our own tensions and issues. It is much easier to take the first step in initiating a project or goal revolving around someone else than it is to initiate the first step in changing and exploring ourselves.

The other becomes a convenient distraction from our own self love and self growth. This is actually a sign that we are not "right" for the other. For true love, intimacy, and connection to flourish, both entities involves must be grounded and secure enough in themselves and their lives. Under any other conditions, the two are grasping at each other for fulfillment instead of fulfilling themselves. For true connection and true happiness to occur, one must fulfill themselves and be self sufficient.

Engage yourself in more hobbies. Keep a journal. Make an effort to expand your health. Take care of yourself first.

Are We Over-Romanticizing An Imbalanced Reality?
It is perfectly natural to imagine life and possibilities with another person. The imagination needs to play and the rational mind needs a goal to pursue. Sometimes this balance between the imagination and the rational mind becomes totally lost and imagination and emotion take over.

When imagination and emotion, as well as attraction, take over the mind, one tends to look at the world through rose tinted glasses and an overly romantic point of view. Instead of staying grounded in reality, one attempts to project an idealistic and strictly dreamy perspective onto life. One only chooses to see the possibility instead of also considering limitation, one only chooses to dream of realities where true love and the ideal partner magically fix all of their problems. One projects too much drama and theatrics onto real life and disappointment, stagnation, and frustration will surely follow.

Ask yourself whether you are attempting to live life through an imbalanced point of view. Accept and embrace both logic and imagination, freedom and restriction, romance and practicality. The more you integrate balance into your life view, the less prone you will be to living on either ends of the spectrum and the middle ground will be that much more accessible and enjoyable. The middle ground is the most sustainable and effective.

Are We Over-Thinking the "Over-Thinking?"
Are you making yourself feel guilty or judging yourself for fantasizing about someone? It is perfectly normal and natural to thinking about someone you are attracted to quite frequently around the time you meet them and get to know them. Unless thinking about them is causing imbalance in your life and causing you to neglect yourself and your life, just allow yourself to think about them. Allow yourself to enjoy the moments of sighing and giggling over them. Allow yourself to fully feel this delight in another. This delight is fleeting and doesn't quite last, at least not with the initial intensity. Know that when and if you continue to get to know this person and truly enjoy their presence, this feeling of intense giddiness and excitement will transform into peaceful familiarity and comfort. You will no longer think about them so frequently and so much, but the way you feel about them will be much deeper and stable and the initial buzz of fantasy and wonder will transform into a sense of calm knowing. For this to occur, just allow all connections to run their natural course and allow yourself to see with balance and clarity.






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