Sunday, November 24, 2013

How to Deal With Wanting to Be More Than Friends: In Love With Your Best Friend


Sometimes we develop very deep feelings for people we have already established wonderful friendships with. This is natural- you get to know somebody whose company you really enjoy and someday you realize that you want to be more than friends. Maybe you've always wanted to be more than friends. Maybe you can't stop seeing them as someone you want to spend a great deal of your time, or maybe even your life, with. Maybe you find yourself constantly thinking about them, wishing they were with you. Maybe you spend a great deal of your time thinking of ways to make them happy, or maybe even thinking of ways to confess your feelings.

But maybe you don't want to ruin a great friendship.

Like all important decisions in life, you need to ask yourself a few essential questions.

Are You Willing to Take the Risk?
Are you willing to take the risk of telling your friend about your true feelings knowing that they might reject you or that your friendship might end?

Sometimes when one friend doesn't feel the same way about the other, repulsion can be created. Your friend might be taken aback by your romantic attraction, and they might feel a bit awkward or strange or even violated. For some, this situation might be similar to a cousin or sibling expressing their love and attraction for them, and they might feel a bit repulsed.Once they know you feel this way about them, they might be a little freaked out and not want to be around you. Before you decide to confess your feelings, I would advice finding out a bit more about your friend's stance on you attraction-wise. Test it out a bit. Stand very close to them or attempt a loving but more intimate gesture (like brushing their hair behind their ear or stroking their face). If they do not accept your gestures and create distance, I would err on the side of safety and assume that the mutual attraction isn't there.

You also run the risk of upsetting your friend. Some friends might respond with a bit of anger or frustration because to them, it may seem like their friendship wasn't enough for you. These cases are stated in order to prepare you. If you do come across similar situations, you must be prepared to further explain and clarify your feelings and intentions, and you must be patient with your friend's response.


Are Your Intentions and Feelings Clear to You?
Are you sure that you really want to be more than friends? Or is it a fleeting feeling, impermanent and temporal? If you really value your friendship, I suggest that you really think this through and let it mull over until you are fully confident that you do want to be more than friends.

Why Do You Want to Be More Than Friends?
Do you feel like you could make your friend really happy, or do you only focus on how happy your friend makes you? Do you want to save them from their trouble-some relationship? Do you feel like you want to get to know them more and be there for them? Just ask yourself why you want to be more than friends.

An intimate friendship really does pale in comparison to an intimate romantic relationship. Having an intimate romantic relationship with someone really does open up a whole new set of doors and windows into other facets of their personality. The person that is a friend to you may not be the person who is the partner of another. People are different people around different people. Are you prepared to meet this new person?
Sometimes friends find it hard to expose the sides of them easily seen by romantic partners to a friend because they are very used to being a certain way with their friend, and this is completely natural.

The point is that even though you may really like your friend, you must be prepared to face the possibility that it just might not work because you've already established a friendship. It can be like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.


Tell Them Tactfully
You know your friend. Tell them about your feelings in a manner that promotes their sense of comfort and ease. Be thoughtful while confessing your feelings, and be clear. If it hurts you to not take the chance and never find out, please just tell them. Sometimes best friends turn into lovers. But I will warn you by saying that the signs are usually there. Test out the waters before your full confession- see how they react to romantic and intimate gestures.Maybe ask their other friends for advice and honest opinions. Be honest with yourself, and don't read into things that aren't there.

Best of wishes,
Wynona




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