Be Ridiculously Good at Life

The introverts vs. extroverts war needs to stop. As the Introvert Movement is gaining momentum, a plethora of articles glorifying introverts and attacking their more outward-focused counterparts has been suffocating the internet. Propagation of stereotypes, muddled definitions, and faulty cross-referencing spread like a virus infecting those in need of identity. The theory of introversion and extroversion is just that- a theory. Originally popularized, and badly muddled since, by the psychologist Carl Jung, introversion and extroversion were defined as behaviors. Introversion is defined as  an "attitude-type characterized by orientation in life through subjective psychic contents" (focus on one's inner psychic activity); and extraversion is defined  as "an attitude type characterized by concentration of interest on the external object" (the outside world). Behavior, not identity, is the basis behind the introversion-extroversion continuum. To think in terms of b...

I'm a fan of Mark Manson's "Fuck Yes or No" rule . This rule states that if you don't say "Fuck Yes!" to a proposition, then it is a no. This means that if you aren't totally enthusiastic about someone or something, then don't go for it. If you meet someone and you don't feel that "fuck yes" positivity towards being their friend/date/business partner, then don't go for it. Of course, this requires an open mind and a quiet ego and a developed intuition to really work. An open mind, quiet ego, and developed intuition are essential to a good life, regardless of whether one adopts the Fuck Yes or No rule, so definitely work on those aspects first before trying to make the rule work and having it fail because all the mental/emotional/ego clutter gets in the way. The Fuck Yes or No rule begs for further examination and alignment. To really apply this rule to all aspects of your life, you really need to take it to the next level: expec...

As a very free spirited and relatively care free person, I approach all of my relationships with a certain openness and flexibility. I try not to project expectations onto family or friends or partners. I respect the fact that people have very different ways of showing their love, affection, and support. I embrace the fact that people seek out connection and expression in various ways, and I am honest enough with myself to recognize that certain people's natural affinities complement my own. Despite all of this, I still can't avoid getting hurt. One theme that has been causing me some social grief ever since middle school has been the awkward unrequited friend attraction. I make a friend. We get along super well. I make it very well known that my romantic interests lie on someone else, because that's the truth. We stay friends. Then one day, I am made known of my friend's sexual or romantic desire. I make it known that those feelings are unreciprocated as gently as poss...

Romantic apathy is a dull, aching pain that weighs down your heart in spite of all of the freedom it claims to offer. You just don't care. No one gets to you. No one makes you feel anything. Interactions are empty. Pleasure can't be sustained in this state, so it is chased after within the confines of quick fixes and half hearted attempts to make a connection. It is never enough. Maybe you got burnt. Maybe your heart got broken. Maybe you saw things that made you never want to be vulnerable. Maybe you've never truly let someone in, or maybe the person who you considered home made some very hurtful decisions that left you feeling betrayed and angry and hopeless. Maybe you were counting on someone and all the weight of your blind faith toppled them off of their pedestal. And now you feel very alone. You feel alone despite all of your efforts. Maybe you're a machine now, performing once meaningful acts in the most mechanical of ways. That gesture that once held so much ten...

The desire to control your partner presents an incredible strain on your relationship and on your self. This desire to manipulate your partner into fulfilling expectations you hold as to what their behavior should  be like is an ugly fire that will burn both of you out. The only solution is to let go of this desire for control, and the fastest way to let go of this desire is to understand why you hold it in the first place. Why The Need for Control? Maybe you are jealous. Maybe you are possessive. Maybe you are very insecure. The desire to control your partner and limit their behavior in a way that you find acceptable shows that you do not have enough confidence and faith in yourself, your partner, and the relationship. The desire to control your partner shows that you want to change them. The desire to change your partner never leads to anything good- it is a very destructive goal. Successful relationships occur between two people who love each other for who they are, not who they...

The success of a relationship should not be based on how long it lasts- rather, the success of a relationship should be measured by the value it adds to one's life. A long and empty relationship and a meaningful, transformative, and fleeting connection are extremely different in the value they offer. Sometimes, you meet someone and it feels as if your world has changed. Knowing them has introduced a rupture into your normalcy. Maybe this is a quiet rupture- maybe it is small enough that the emotions, desire, and passions gently trickle through. Maybe this is a huge, gaping fracture- maybe it is large enough that the feelings, wants, and energy violently unleash themselves, leaving you to feel lost and purposeful at the same time. Some loves change you. These people transform you and you can never be the same. They touch you in ways that rearrange your insides- suddenly your eyes see a certain shade more vividly, your fingers relish a new texture. your mind wraps around a concept yo...

The long distance relationship is an often dreaded experience. It is to be merely tolerated, a stage to be worked through. I think the long distance relationship is an experience to be embraced. Few situations offer the clarity, growth, and freshness of long distance. When we are geographically closer to our partners, our lives tend to be more fused. We see them from a much closer point of view. To step back and see the big picture is a blessing, as is the chance to develop the flexibility and strength of the bridge that connects us to them. It may be hard at first to see the perks to a long distance relationship, but if you truly embrace them in honesty then you will grow to appreciate its acquired taste. More Independence When your partner isn't there all the time, you are forced to become more independent and self sufficient. You don't have the convenience of having your partner there to accompany you and comfort you all of the time. You learn to do things for yourself more ...