Stop Obsessing Over Your Twin Flame

Hello everyone. I know I haven't posted in a while; I have spent quite some time learning and integrating new perspective and perceptions. I'm ready again to offer my writing to the world so stay tuned for more regularly updated blogs. :)

Anyway, today I feel the absolute need to talk about twin flames. This concept has spread exponentially in the past few years. The obsession with soul mates and the One has shifted towards that of the twin flame- that other half of one's soul who holds the key to ultimate growth, potential, and purpose.

I am all for love, deep relationships, and growth. I am also for balance and being completely honest with ourselves. It seems that the human propensity for unnecessary control and an unwillingness to let life (and love relationships) flow organically has sneakily shape-shifted itself into the rather obsessive approach towards twin flames that is quite prevalent in the participating community.

Many are desperate to know whether the person they are fixated on is their true twin flame. Endless dollars are spent on readings in hopes of confirming a message yearning lovers are already convinced of- that the person causing them so much pain and suffering is their twin flame who will eventually come back to them and merge into Divine Oneness and Potential and Love. I admire the openness towards growth, but the approach has become much too imbalanced. Instead of empowering individuals to face their relationships with courage, openness, and a willingness to embody more authentic, grounded, and loving versions of themselves, the Twin Flame sensation has trapped many into yet another limiting way of relating.

My bottom line belief is that you attract the people who reflect different aspects of yourself back to you. This doesn't mean your partner is your perfect, literal mirror- instead, your partner is your feedback mechanism. If you have an imbalance in your system, then that will definitely show up with your partner in your relationship. Imagine yourself as a car and your partner as the driver- your partner might drive a bit more aggressively so that your system malfunctions are highlighted, but the malfunction is still within yourself. A gentler partner might not drive as fast or take such sharp turns, but eventually, your system imbalances will still show through.

"Aggressive" partners are usually more attractive- these are the people you are more drawn to. Your relationship with them if often more explosive, dramatic, and dynamic. The friction between you two highlights many avenues for inner growth and alignment.

Still, you have a choice of which partner you'd like to engage with. If the partner driving you is too harsh and does more damage to your system than you can healthily recover from, you need to choose a different partner. This is where most people get it wrong with the twin flame phenomenon. Just because someone triggers you over and over doesn't mean that its meant to be and that you need to keep engaging with them for the sake of growth. If your partner drains you more than they support you, then you need to stop choosing them. Continually choosing and holding space for someone who doesn't make emotional/mental/physical/spiritual deposits and investments towards you and your relationship is a form of self abuse.

This is so important.

Choosing someone who does not take action to support you and your relationship is equal to choosing self abuse. 

Many individuals pining for the person they swear is their twin flame spend SO much time and energy holding space and good intent for someone who does not reciprocate. This is the equivalent of deciding to throw your energy and resources away. This is the equivalent of drinking the same toxic poison everyday. This is subjecting yourself to a form of Stockholm Syndrome wherein you are both hostage and perpetrator. And this is so dangerous because this behavior is shrouded in good intent and "love."

Life is too short to spend it on people who don't value you, and the truth is, you only choose people who don't value you when you don't really value yourself. Maybe this isn't so obvious or apparent, but self hatred and feelings of unworthiness take many different shapes and manifest in subtler, sneakier ways than we expect.

No one is perfect, therefore, every relationship holds much potential for growth. So choose people who actually choose you. Stop holding space for people who don't even respond to you. By doing this, you are foolishly assuming you know what's best for the other person. There is quite the possibility that you really aren't the best partner for them. I know that stings, but accepting it is the only way you allow relationships to form more organically and authentically.

You deserve the have a relationship with some stability. You deserve a partner who you can actually engage with and make fun plans with. You deserve someone who you can actually discuss emotions and insecurities with, who listens to you, and actually chooses to invest their time, energy, and resources into their interactions with you.

As this is such a deep topic, expect more posts about this in the future. But for now, please stop holding yourself in damaging and toxic relationships in the name of love. Twin flame or not, choose someone who treats you well! And most of all, treat yourself well.

Talk to you soon.
-Nona





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